simply...mirabel94*

2011-10-12T01:24:00.002+08:00

its been long since i wrote a post here.
every time i read something in this blog of mine, its most probably because i feel confuse.

Jealously.Wrath.Lust.Envy.
why are we always chasing the tangible and materialistic side of life when in the end, it comes to lose its value.
why do we let our holy covenant become just like any other object? sex object, that has often been misuse for temporary pleasure. what becomes of the true meaning of love then?
how can something wrong seem so right at the same time?
where have our innocence and pure mind gone to?
when has admitting defeat or congratulating our opponent been so hard to do?
when we do have something, we take it for granted as if we deserved it.

are humans really that hard to satisfy???
Shine your light on this world, shine your light on me...

2011-04-11T22:43:00.000+08:00

http://youtu.be/OlRulUDxbWU

same song, different interpretation

2011-03-25T22:13:00.004+08:00

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ToDZ9Q2hIBk

And who do you think you are
Running 'round leaving scars
Collecting your jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Who do you think you are

to those who have been brought down by others,
stand up for yourself.
u will be amazed at how many people are out there to support you.
BULLYING is HURTFUL!

when i was sec 2, i was stupid and naive to believe your words and let u take advantage of me. but now, i grown a little more to see who truly cares. im not gonna let you crawl back into my heart and tear it apart. im saving it for him.:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xnguqsMQmg4

I tried to fix the friendship, tried to bring your together, tried anything and everything. but i realised each time i tried fixing you, i got hurt. becaused i liked you. maybe, just maybe the best thing is to let it as it is.

to my babe Astor and dude, somehow this song reminds me of wat ur guys are going through. u guys are the best ppl i met in NY, my best buddies, girlfriend, a more than friends ha! stay strong cause i'll be there:)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZQ42YbR8oc

and dude, this is how i feel bout u...:)

2011-03-20T01:13:00.000+08:00

2011-03-18T23:16:00.001+08:00

Dont bring me down with your words even though you think its a joke.
who cares if im sensitive or not.
its not cool to say such a thing to a girl.
peace out.

2011-03-17T01:51:00.001+08:00

Lady Gaga taught me its ok to be different

Kesha taught me to live life to the fullest while I have the time

Pink taught me to be myself and not care what other people think

Taylor Swift taught me not every guy is going to treat me right

Emimem taught me that life is hard, but you make it through

Bruno Mars taught me to do everything for that one person I love

Michael Jackson taught me to love the people around me

Music taught me how to live <3

2011-03-11T23:36:00.005+08:00

meet my cutizz cousin!

2011-03-10T23:36:00.002+08:00

2011-03-02T19:29:00.002+08:00

i have finally found you.
please stay for a while.
please...

2011-01-25T13:48:00.002+08:00

I shouldn't have said it.
Because of my stupidity,
the friendship i cared so much about is gone.
why did this friendship waiver and fall after a storm?
was it because our friendship only continued because it was depended on talking about one person?
if that was really the case,
then its good and bad this friendship ended.
its good because i wont end up being the only one giving and not receiving.
its bad because i don't really care that i get anything back. i just want to know how are you coping with everything, thats all.
its either im a good intention termite or a Barnabas.

Oh God, if its your will, may you bless me with another Brother-in-christ that we both can look out for each other. Amen.

2011-01-19T19:04:00.002+08:00

okay so yesterday was a bad day.
i let my mood be affect by a dream.
ha actually does sound funny now.
but still, it was a bad dream.

Romans 6:15-17

Slaves to Righteousness
15 What then? Shall we sin because we are not under the law but under grace? By no means! 16 Don’t you know that when you offer yourselves to someone as obedient slaves, you are slaves of the one you obey—whether you are slaves to sin, which leads to death, or to obedience, which leads to righteousness? 17 But thanks be to God that, though you used to be slaves to sin, you have come to obey from your heart the pattern of teaching that has now claimed your allegiance.

i am so sick now....:(

2011-01-18T16:22:00.006+08:00

i feel horrible,
and no i'm not sick or anything.
i just feel like i did something wrong.
and the worst thing is that i can't tell anyone how i feel...
because if i say,
you would go W.T.F mirabel you did that???
or you would go around judging me or something.
i wanna cry/scream/shout it out but i CAN'T!
bloody hell...

PURE MIND IN AN R-RATED WORLD???

i dont wannna fall back to who i was in the past,
but i cant seem to stop myself.
why??

i like to show my emotions upfront, it doesnt give you the right to make use of it or does it mean im vulnerable.

It hasn't always been this way
I remember brighter days
Before the dark ones came
Stole my mind
Wrapped my soul in chains

Now I live among the dead
Fighting voices in my head
Hoping someone hears me crying in the night
And carries me away

Set me free of the chains holding me
Is anybody out there hearing me?
Set me free

2011-01-12T13:57:00.002+08:00

this is my most slack week of my life. while everyone is going for open house and doing their JAE, i on the other hand have nothing to do.
just slacking,sleeping in, going beach, play pool.

sometimes i think im toop laidback for a competitive driven society much less JC...
i really need to stop being a sloth!!!

2011-01-02T18:59:00.000+08:00

Jealously rips the joy out of everything.

2011-01-01T14:50:00.002+08:00

You dont have to be perfect or the best to be a leader.
You just have to bring out the best in people,
and that makes you a great leader...

2 years i will wait...

2010-12-29T16:25:00.001+08:00

“Please, Aslan,” said Lucy. “Before we go, will you tell us when we can come back to Narnia again? Please. And oh, do, do, do make it soon.”
“Dearest,” said Aslan very gently, “you and your brother will never come back to Narnia.”
“Oh, Aslan!!” said Edmund and Lucy both together in despairing voices.
“You are too old, children,” said Aslan, “and you must begin to come close to your own world now.”
“It isn't Narnia, you know,” sobbed Lucy. “It's you. We shan't meet you there. And how can we live, never meeting you?”
“But you shall meet me, dear one,” said Aslan.
“Are are you there too, Sir?” said Edmund.
“I am,” said Aslan. “But there I have another name. You must learn to know me by that name. This was the very reason why you were brought to Narnia, that by knowing me here for a little, you may know me better there.”

2010-12-29T16:25:00.000+08:00

2010-12-19T00:34:00.002+08:00

God, i believe i am ready.
no more distraction and wandering off tracks
cos its you who i am searching for.
and now that i have found you,
im never letting go.

use me in whatever way you like
even though it may hurt sometimes,
but i will always remind myself,
"endure hardship with us like a good soldier of christ jesus"
for i am yours to mold,
mold into your masterpiece.

when love comes around, and it knocks you down, just get back up when it knocks you down

2010-12-09T01:14:00.002+08:00

so, i guess i still thinking of you.
but hey, no worries, i will get over you soon enough:)
not that i have a choice or anything.
gah rejections happens everyday
from those people giving out flyers at mrt stations,
to rejection from a school or job interview
and to rejection from your loved ones and friends whom you needed most whenever you are upset, but they were not around.
we all played every one of those characters before.
yet, at times it still pains us whenever we are being rejected.
funny isn't?
hope you are having lots of fun with your new found love:)
a little advice, keep it real, keep it true, keep it simple...
perhaps maybe it will work out this time!

2010-12-06T00:41:00.002+08:00

i woke up after my afternoon nap,
and suddenly,
everything changed.
i had sense of peace and calmness in my heart that i have not felt for a long time.
then this song came into my head
it really touched my heart

Holy Holy
I will bow before
My Lord and King
Hallelujah
You have come to us
You make all things new

Emmanuel
Jesus Christ
You'll never let me go
My Shepherd King
You'll never let me go
My Sheperd King
You're watching over me
Emmanuel

So amazing
You have named the stars
Of the deepest night
Still You love me
You have called my name
I will follow You

Holy Holy
God Almighty
There is none like You
Holy Holy
God Almighty
There is none like You

how true the lyrics is and i do believe it
yet i don't fully trust it.

and i had a sudden confirmation not to work anymore.
cos i thought about it, like i will be working 3/4 of my life away next time,
why waste my precious youth time working then?
so yea, i would probably find volunteering work to do instead:)

on top of that,
i met my long most cousin that i haven since in a real long time like 5years???
haha i was fun getting to know him again:)

2010-12-05T00:51:00.003+08:00

dont promise me something you know you cant do.
I.DON'T.LIKE.IT!

KNOW.BELIEVE.TRUST.LOVE.
yes, i followed those steps.
so where when wrong?
what went wrong?
who went wrong?

this feeling is so confusing at times.
maybe i should just totally give it up.
its not worth all these hurt.
only God can heal it:(

2010-11-17T20:27:00.002+08:00

you have no idea how hard it is.
don't you dare think that i don't want to help you with the task and curse me with all that nonsense.
i don't give a fucking damn about what your opinions are on me for not "helping" you.
your lack of patience, stupid bloody rolling eyes, and irritating tone you have in your voice don't deserve my attention at all.
stop the "i don't know" and stop acting like the whole world owes me something.
thats called steps on being a BITCH!

Lacey and Neil contemporary, time by mia micheals

2010-11-17T19:15:00.000+08:00

2010-11-16T15:56:00.002+08:00

did you really mean what you said that day to me???
cos if you are, your are not trying hard enough.
either that, or i just expect too much i guess.

2010-11-13T20:06:00.000+08:00

try...

2010-09-04T12:48:00.002+08:00

its been quite a while since i posted.

updates are,
1) i passed my chinese!!!
thank God! and my beloved chinese teacher as well for all her help.

2) i lost something again.
its the 2 time, why am i so forgetful???

3) prelim 2 have started.
honestly, i am very stress about it.
kept falling sick because of stress.
its especially very frustrating that 20points is now a extremely hard task to reach.
i cry about O's almost everyday.
its like in 51 days time...
totally unprepared.
i still need my 20points to get in NYJC man.
darn its hard.
especially u know nuts about ur science and math.
oh God please carry me through!

On the bright side,
after O's there are so many things i can do
1)join ballet classes
2)contemparary dance classes
3)back to gymnastics!
4)church camp:)
5)genting trip with my beloved dancers
6)hiphop classes
7)choreograph more dance!
8)get a job at SDT probably
9)volunteer at childcare centre or SPCA or hospital??? maybe
10)prom
11)...

so many things to do!
i can't wait after 12nov when the clock strucks 9am:)

But after O'level results, life would be boring again.
either JC or poly or Dance?

Sometimes, whatever was said in the past doesn't really matter because people change, good or bad.
never knew people could hold grudge and anger over something that happen because of a little misunderstanding years ago. tsk...
"do not let a pebble behind you, trip you"
sometimes, when bad things happen in the past. you just gotta forgive and not blame others. A simple sentence, I'm sorry, please forgive me. may seem like it doesn't really help the situation but this very sentence is meant to give closure so that both parties and get over it and move on.
i just don't quite understand the point of bringing up the past to bring about unhappiness for both parties...

2010-08-07T20:49:00.002+08:00

I finally realised i am not looking for a guy who can fill my empty heart with superficial love.
But, rather, i searching for a brother who can lead me.
A brother who is a good example for me to follow.
A brother who can protect me.
A brother who can shower me with 'brotherly love'.
A brother who is christ-like.

Am i suppose to find that brother in Jesus?
Or does that person with such character really exist?

2010-08-07T19:09:00.002+08:00

Oh God, its such a struggle.
It feels like the world is collapsing on me.
Studying for Olevels is hell of a struggle!
especially for me, since my L1R5 is like 27.
yea shocking....
and another struggle only God u know.

well the 1 year deal is left with another 5 more months.
i thought i got over you, but its harder then i thought.
And this few months, i realised how unprepared i am for another r/s.
oh God, fill me with your love.
for only your love can fill me up fully.

May God bless all who are taking their Olevels this year.
To God be gloried!

2010-08-03T20:04:00.004+08:00

I can conquer my Mt Everest because i have an ever living God.

"Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ's sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."

just a thought,
every Human Being makes mistakes.
sometimes these mistakes hurt others deeply,
til a point they become so numb they cant accept 'sorry' anymore.

Well, to all those people i hurt you with my words, action, accusation and impossible expectation for you to live up. I'm sorry.
this 5 letter word may seem very small,
but it is a powerful word to use.
And i really mean what i say.
i really want to reconcile with you and ask for your forgiveness.
for without forgiveness,
we will unknowingly bear hatred on each other.

During FOP,
i commmited my life back to JESUS
and God told me,
to have joy within me,
i must reconcile back with others.
i need to change my life that i will be a mirror that has reflection of Jesus.

2010-07-09T17:46:00.004+08:00

the temptation that overwhelms our heart
hiding our deadly sins
pretending its all alright
how far will temptation bring you?
how far will you go to give your heart, just to feel 'emotion' again?
are we all ready to submit this, short term pleasure?
the grey line of love or sin is impossible to tell
where do we stop before its all too late?
before we get addicted?
is there such thing as point of no return
or is it just an excuse to cover for our 'love'
enlighten me,
what is Love?

2010-05-31T20:18:00.002+08:00

sometimes i wish i never did tell u how i felt.
how stupid to regret.
stay strong bel, another 6 more months and u never have to see 'them' again...

Chinese O's im traumatise by it...
i really wanna pass:(

2010-05-23T17:18:00.003+08:00

Meridian JC lah.

But if you like, MJC can be mangkali jc, majesty' jc, Majulah jc, Merlion JC also

can lah.

By the way, my primary school is Pulau Ubin Primary School, my secondary school is Pulau Tekong Secondary School, my junior college is Sentosa Junior College and my university is Merlion University and my professor is Professor Sang Nila Utama.

oh man this guy is super funny!!!
haha
i was checking out which jc i should try out for mjc or sajc and i came across this.
super funny!

anyway
i love sajc because:
1)nearer
2)uniform
3)sporty boys who play rugby:)
4)retain rate lower than mjc
5)christian school
6)their dance is better than meridian

i love mjc because:
1)more distinctions in their subjects as compared to sajc
2)value added school
3)their a young school but cca is not too bad either
4)their not like nyjc with crazy chinese speaking ppl.:)

also, im in love with acjc as well because:
1)their sports = fantastic!
2)hot boys>??? not so sure, ha
3)humanities elective programme!
4)their COP is comparable to AJC which is known to be a not bad school

however, they have 3 bad points too sad to say:
1)dont focus on their aesthetics cca like dance
2)rich kids school
3)too far from my home.

oh wells, im considering other jcs too other than these few like:
cjc(love the dance and ccas there, hate their pe curriculum )
nyjc(good in volleyball but mostly chinese speaking ppl and not so sure they do well in GP)
rjc(i dont even wanna think of their school. ha too hard to get in unless i use dsa but what are the chances? 0.000000001%?)
srjc(not too bad either, good in dance, 15mins walk from home...)
tjc/vjc(just considering these 2 schools but i doubt i will be able to survive there as well. i prefer vjc more though. vjc is a cool jc!:))

the other jcs i dont like or its too far so left these few.

perhaps poly is my calling?(i love the design and humanities courses offered. maybe i should join my sister in business course? but i also want something related to the arts, the theatre... theatre studies???? is there such course? so confuse)
or sota or nafa?(hard life and there is no turning back once i set my foot on these schools)
overseas education that major in dance and studies as well???(no money no talk:()

2010-05-22T20:42:00.002+08:00

KATHRYN DANCING ROCKS!!!!!!!!!!!
SHE'S AWESOME!!!
HER DANCING IS INDESCIRABLE!!!

im learning her solo for my dsa...
praying hard the jcs/dance schools would give me a second chance and not regect my application immediately when they see my horrifying results:/

Oh God, only you know whats best for me.
you are the one who decides my path.
so please tell me, where do u wanna me to go?

im still not sure whether to drop chemistry or continue with pure science or combined science...
i seriously dislike chemistry and i love physics!
im weird...

sigh my results,
ha well it sucks.
L1R5: 27=GG
will there be a miracle in my results lord?
i wanna make a change!!!!!!!!
but its so hard.:(

this would probably be my last few post as im gonna disconnect my computer by june to copncentrate on Olevel.

i freaking hate Olevel!
because of Olevel, i cant partcipate in YOG as a performer!!!!!
hate O's!!!!!
argh!!!

2010-05-11T15:40:00.001+08:00

prelim now...
well i give one word to describe it, TERRIBLE!!!
eng was ok
chinese left oral and LC. surprisingly this are 2 papers that i can fail. weird.
emath was ok. praying for a2
amath left p2. i hope ppr2 is easy. but i doubt it. pass i will be very happy already.
chem hahaha screwed!!! blame myself for poor foundation and not working hard to build my foundation up. left mcq
phy! OMG this is my most disappointing paper i took!!! i know i can pass cos i did study for it, but somehow maybe it was the flu. cos my brain to not think straight, so i cant do quite a number of easy question:( i was really hoping to get a b for phy. but now? i just hope to pass la. worst thing is, no one understand how much this exam meant to me. DSA!!! helo, if i don't do well. how to apply to SAJC? they wont freaking accept me lor! sian. and there goes some of my insensitive friends to rub on my wound by saying the ppr was easy. i mean, cant u tell i was upset?! and yet u laugh at my face when u found out all my stupid mistake. pls la! be sensitive can!!! yes, i know u may think i didn't work hard that's why you don't need to say something encouraging to me. but i changed my perspective towards phy already k. i DO WORK HARD FOR IT! k maybe i didn't do some of mr S hw but how would u know i don't do my own revision? u can encourage others but u couldn't care less about me. i don't expect u to be there for me every time, but at the very least, don't say a word if u don't know how to say nice things can.... I'm freaking angry now.argh! everyone needs encouragement now and then. when i was there for u, were u there for me? i feel our friendship pulling apart. i always feel its because I'm not smart enough that's why u don't want stay near me. and when i do do well in certain things, all u say is " why is my name not call out" or "hmmm okok la. its still not good" sigh...

i wanna be like some of my classmates. not because they are very smart but i want to be like those who have alot of commitment other than studies but still do ok because of hard work. yes, hard work is not in my vocabulary. and yes, i know i should really work hard. yes,i will. because i want to go a local uni so my parents can spend lesser on my education. i wanna make them proud. i wanna prove to the ppl who look down on me wrong. i wanna do God proud.

I'm sorry God, for my imperfections. but i will make the best out of my imperfections.

2010-04-26T21:13:00.002+08:00

2 flashers! OMG. wats with the world today?
cleanse my eyes lord.
those obscene image makes me fear boys more.

i love the song Note TO God and desert song:)
VERSE 1:
This is my prayer in the desert
When all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in my hunger and need
My God is the God who provides

VERSE 2:
This is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flame

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

VERSE 3:
This is my prayer in the battle
When triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

BRIDGE:
All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship (x4)

CHORUS:
I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon formed against me shall remain
I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here (x2)

VERSE 4:
This is my prayer in the harvest
When favour and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be emptied again
The seed I've received I will sow

2010-04-21T17:27:00.001+08:00

At last, FREEDOM from You!
the chains have been broken.
u no longer linger in my thoughts and my mind:)

2010-03-31T15:26:00.002+08:00

going on a haitus real soon.

sometimes its time to let go..
4years of secretly liking you.
but what do i get in return?
nothing.
just more pain and hurt.
you notice other ppl who u just met,
and ignore my presence.
u only talk to me when u need help.
wat is this?
im not a servant to u.
even u say i treat u better than u treat me.
and stop saying im mean cos im not.
i cant get myself to tell you that i like u.... tsk

k im not gonna bother about ur life anymore.

2010-03-17T23:03:00.002+08:00

I miss overseas trips with my family.
I miss overseas trips with my buddies(Adelle, Sugu, Franny, Shu)
I miss tough camps like OBS.
I miss campfires, high elements and sea activities.
I miss sec3 dragonboaters! you guys rock!
I miss slack life.
I miss everything.
and most importantly, I miss You!:(

2010-02-20T17:27:00.002+08:00

35Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? 36As it is written:
"For your sake we face death all day long;
we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered."[a] 37No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.Romans 8:35-37

my mum drove me to tuition today.
we were having normal conversation then she suddenly asked me,
are you gonna have baptism this year?
your turning 16 this year so its time i made the decision.
honestly, i dont know.
cos firstly i prefer a 'full body baptism' in the river but sadly my church dont practice that.
secondly, baptism classes will be in chinese... like ZOMG! how am i gonna understand?
third, im not sure whether i wanna continue in this church cos of language barrier and being baptisted in a church gives u right to vote.
fourth, i wanna be baptisted with my friends. so scary to do it alone:(
fiveth, most importantly am i ready for it? to follow Christ for all my life? i still think i need more time. im not mature enough to set a good example and really commit to this promise to CHRIST... perhaps maybe after praying and advices from churchmates and family may help. and also, to observe this year how christ love works through me?

hmmm, please pray for me to make a choice?
Amen!

2010-02-17T21:36:00.003+08:00

stress!!!
still waiting....:(

Oh My,
i haven seen u guys since january???
:(:(:(
wish all of us could meet soon...
i miss the laughter and the talks to relieve myself from stress!
haha

i feel i slacked alot in class.
1)sleeping in class and tuition
2)eating to stay awake which doesnt work all the time
3)lazy to do homework
4)short attention span
5)feel like giving up on subjects again

even right now, i fear history...
my brain has been pressurized to get a1 for history til i broke down during one of my test!:(
i have never failed history in my life!
much less give a b4 or less for it...
im scared to see ms khai!!!!
sigh

Oh LORD, please give me more self control and patiene when i study and while waiting for that answer... Amen

2010-02-07T18:32:00.001+08:00

2010-02-07T17:31:00.002+08:00

so confused now.
the thoughts of wat to do after Olevel keeps coming back.
quite a number of pathways i wanna go.
of course results matters alot too.
should i go:
1) theatre studies
2) psychology
3) social work
4) NAFA or Lasalle to continue dance
5) major in history
6) bible college????
i dont know, tsk...
God pls intervent!

2010-02-07T17:19:00.000+08:00

OMG miss you guys!:(
meet up soon k!=D

2010-02-05T23:37:00.001+08:00

why do u treat me this way?
both of u...
perhaps u didnt care about my feelings.
or didnt even know how much i like u.
but since i made up my mind,
i wont go back anymore.
all too late.

2010-01-30T14:04:00.003+08:00

todays verse:
to be completely humble and gentle, patient, bearing with each other in love...

1) to be humble. especially when good things happen. we should always only boast in jesus name.

2) to be gentle. haha perhaps i need to be gentle with my words towards ppl. gentleness not only come physically but also verbally. we all need to learn how to be gentle in our criticism for its really easy to be gentle in encouragement.

3) to be patient. yup this is a real hard task for me. at times, i just want results to come quickly. sadly, i forget that everything is in his time. not MY time. therefore, patient is needed in every prayer. and full faith too!

4) love. ahh, this 4 letter words. it could make you or tear you. perhaps thats why God said: "do not awaken love until the time is right" but the love here im talking about is love for one another. love for our family, firends and even enemies. seems like a hard task to love our enemies right. but if we dont love our enemies, wat difference does it make to pre believers? we are doing the exact same thing thhey would do.

God i really wanna dance for you. but it is time yet?

2010-01-30T00:20:00.003+08:00

woah super eventful week!
had 4test out of 5days.
amazing right!
ha
and highlights of this week
1) i finally did a front flip! yipee!
2) i passed physics! with a B4! from f9 to B4!!!

Amen!
God is gracious!
all for the audience of ONE..
im gonna push myself even harder to do my best and reach my fullest potential.:)

and also, i should really stop stressing myself and worry about tmr for tmr have its own set of worries. instead,i should trust and depend on God for more help.

yup, so no matter how difficult it may be before dance competition.
im gonna give all my best shot.
and God will do the rest:)

oh ya,
before i forget,
i took up french!
for ...
1day LOL
not that i dislike it then i drop.
but i really had limited time.
perhaps next time.
right now i jus wanna concentrate on dance and studies and church..

opps which reminds me church stuff waiting for me...
ciao

2010-01-27T21:43:00.002+08:00

all for your glory.
they may mock me.
they may tease me.
but nothing will stop me from reaching my goal.
for 1 purpose.
to glorify your name high.
i wanna prove them wrong.
i wanna beat my limtation!

2010-01-25T22:58:00.004+08:00

jus a shot update, the person beside me is my awesome sis! she sat beside me while i played the piano for church musical!:) love my dearest sissy!

DRAGONBOAT with YAY200%
the lovable people!
oh P.S. i rock at it...!
muahahahha
so BHB
next time anyone wanna kayak or Dboat call me along k!

ok back to the mountain of books.

let us be one voice that glorifies ur name!

2010-01-12T21:01:00.001+08:00

for those who hope in the lord,
will renew their strength,
and soae on eagle's wings.
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk but not faint.

I TRUST IN YOU. Amen!

2010-01-03T22:40:00.000+08:00

Love this song!!!

2010-01-02T23:03:00.002+08:00

in 1day and 8 hour time,
sch starts.
tsk it sucks man.
to know im sec 4 now
and im stepping down soon from dance.
sad:(
i really love the dance group alot now..
so little time man.
to study
to choreography DSA dance.
and other commitments.
nvrmind.
i still have God with me.

2010-01-01T13:32:00.002+08:00

Happy Blessed New Year!:)

youth and young adults church retreat was awesome to the max!
we saw fireworks!(mini ones cos we were too far from it)
played poker cards til 6am in the morning.
worship God with all our heart and voice.
and much more.
had so much fun.
trust fall was realy something to rmb.
why?
cos it made me cry.
haha.
not cos i scared. k maybe i was scared.
but i didnt cry cos i was scared.
cos my heart was broken by God.
you need to be broken to be used by God.
someone said these words that made me cry:
"ur falling into God's arms. God will be catching u. let go. let go of all the probs u faced in 2009. be it BGR, studies. church, friendship... jus let go. and let god take the wheel"
something like that.
then i was so touched, i cried.
heh

anyway 2010 is gonna be really busy year.
Olevel is enough to kill, still have dance and church.
well i like church. so isnt much of a problem:)

k 2009 hw not done yet.
nvm, i gave up.
too many!!!
roar

2009-12-25T12:54:00.002+08:00

LAST POST OF 2009!!!

I GOT OVER YOU...

Christmas eve, i decided to move on and also taking actions.
i deleted ur msgs.
and not gonna care about how ur life is anymore.
almost cry during caroling cos of it but james was encouraging me to let go.
and i did!!!
yay!
God must be proud:)

2009 wasnt the best year i could have.
faced probs like:
almost retaining in sec3
BGR
breaking up
unwantedness and loneliness
friendship problems
mood swings( hell alot of them hahah)
jealousy over position
hateful teachers
failing practically all subs
self cutting
bad habits that wont go away.
well the list goes on and on.
alot of this situations that made me cry.
but more importantly, it made me stronger.
and made me depend on God more.
so thank God for that.:)

Thank you God for carrying me through each and every situation i faced.
you let me cry on ur shoulders when i needed one
you gave me hugs to make me feel better.
you gave me hope when all hope to me was fading away.

"i can do all things in you who gives me strength"
"for i have plans for you, plans to prosper to not to harm you,plans for a brighter future"
these 2 verse have helped me through 2009

of course, there are also many ppl who helped me. so many ppl that i cant count. blessed to have you guys. you know who u are. ha. and also, i have forged a much stronger bond with the church guys. they are awesome!!! heh

many ppl walk in and out of our lives, but friends leave footprints behind!

i will post the photos of london and musical soon...
probably in 2010.LOL

2010 resolution:
1) 1 year plan, to be completely satisfied with God and not date. (given by joanne. she gave me 6months but i decided 1 year would be better:P accept this challenge.God, joanne, you readers are my witness ar. ha)

2) use computer only 3times a week and not more than 5hours per time. (probably one of the hardest resolution to keep to for me cos im a computer addict. but since 2010 is my O level year. so gotta cut down com use)

3) focusing on my Olevel goal of 9points. yes yes some of you may think 9 points easy or 9 points for me is a target too high for me. but hey, dont forget. i have a
mighty God supporting me. and every paper is done with a prayer.

4) DSA. gotta prepare my dance audition and interview. i feel damn scared. but if i dont try, my life will be filled with WHAT IF...

5) praying that 2010 will be a revival year for our church. may all of us walk closer and grow stronger in God. pray for healing and forgiveness in each and everyone of our hearts.

6) im gonna fast again. haha. dont be surprise if i am not eating food during recess. most probably gonna read the bible at a corner of the school.

7) kicking that bad habit that have stayed with me since sec 1 end of year. that habit destroyed 2 of my friendships with my friends. its no longer gonna control my life anymore. Jesus take the wheel!

8) be a good welfare IC. and also serve in church and cell group. 30may youth serivce, OMG in chinese and leading congregation with yonghui. waa, i damn scared. but God shows his strength through our weakness. so God make full use of me to touch others:)

for now thats about it...

2010 is gonna be a very Godly year for me, i wanna grow stronger in him. be more wiser and mature. to be submissive and God fearing. yea sounds like a difficult task for me. LOL. nevertheless, im gonna try.:)

k, ending here. gotta pack luggage.(why am i saying all this) LOL
tata

2009-12-22T23:43:00.002+08:00

Turn down the lights
Turn down the bed
Turn down these voices inside my head
Lay down with me, tell me no lies
Just hold me close, don't patronize
Don't patronize me.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.
I'll close my eyes, then I won't see
The love you don't feel when you're holdin me
Mornin will come and I'll do what's right
Just give me till then to give up this fight
And I will give up this fight.
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't
You can't make your heart feel something it won't
Here in the dark, in these final hours
I will lay down my heart and I'll feel the power
But you won't, no you won't
Cause I can't make you love me if you don't.

did u actually love me?
guess the answer doesnt matter anymore

2009-12-15T18:02:00.002+08:00

your the reason that i live, the reason that i sing...

i am pleasantly reminded that life is just not about love or relationships.
it is too shallow of a life to just live for your partner.
when your in a relationship, every single thing seem to surround the person you love.
from what i had learnt, every time i cry is always cos of you, and im always on a roller coaster ride with you and your emotions.
i do not live for you, i do not sing for you, and i do not cry for you.
no one else is allowed to break my heart except for God.
and thats a fact.
truely, all of us deserve more than what our partner can give us now.
now meaning teenagers la! hah

from this day onwards,
i commit my life again back to God.
im so thankful, this wonderful Father never ever forget to forgive me.
and you know what, he is my lover!
and my boyfriend, my father, my listening ear, my comforter, my advicer, and everything else...
i dont need anything else other than God's love to surround me.
so i make this really clear to everyone else now,
I KISS DATING GOODBYE!muax away:)
learnt that when ur not in good terms with God, your never in good terms with anyone else.
and everything you do, most probably screw up.
so im gonna fast again.
til i make right with God and gain internal strength to clear my temptations 'that blocks me from getting closer to God.

oh, to the special someone, i hope you are doing fine without me. you find someone else, i pretty sure about that. its best this way for both of us. you need ur old life back and i need mine too. thank you for all the bittersweet memories, experience and feelings i never thought i had. i hope we will still remain friends though its ur choice and i wont force you. wish u all the best in O's, NCC, and finding someone better:) til you find the right person, may God's love fill your heart. honestly God is the only one who can fill up the loniness feeling in our heart.i shall end here, gonna miss you.:(

to a girl a kiss speak a thousand words, it tells of the guys character. but to a guy, its just a kiss...

2009-12-12T13:07:00.001+08:00

perhaps im not being fair to you by clinging on to you,
still thinking that ur mine.
gotta let go for ur sake and mine.
this time, i hope it truely means goodbye...

2009-12-10T14:44:00.002+08:00

i fell so hard i thought i couldn't stand no more
always thinking this time round things would be difference.
i convinced myself to believe in that.
yet i got played another time.
guess i never learnt the lesson.
i deserve far more than the way u treat me.
since u didn't fulfil ur promise to me, i wont fulfil ur promise either.
u never respected me.
just because u know my secrets and know my weakness,
doesn't give you the right to use it against me.
i dont know whether to give u another chance.
i dont know whether i should give up.
i dont know whether i should move on.
:(
no one made me cry so hard except u...

2009-12-10T13:26:00.001+08:00

entertaining!!!:)

2009-12-09T18:11:00.002+08:00

so stupid of me,
to think that u actually love me.
giving u so many chances,
yet each and everytime u hurt me more and more.
i cant ignore your cold treatment.
its so hard.
i told things would work out better as time passes.
im so wrong.
all the msg u sent,
i dont know which to believe.
sometimes u say u love me, sometimes u want me out of ur life.
tell me straight in my face which is the truth.
i dont want to be toyed by u again.
and each and everytime, im the one who always apologise for even things i didnt do.
come to think if it, u were playing with my feelings all along.
how very stupid of me to not notice it.
but things are diff when i see u.
u are like a whole new person.
u cared alot for me.
im utterly confuse.
i wanna hold u close, i wanna hear u say those words again.
did u actually mean it when u gave me that gift???
sigh...

2009-12-07T20:31:00.007+08:00

hey you!!! gahh, im missing Ms F.
off to china ar...
tsktsk, never packed me in luggage.
:(
hope u r enjoying urself there.
come back in 1 piece yo=D
til then, have fun.

:):):)
with miss S bestie!!!
sun, went out to study with u at esplanade library.
hahah
ran homw with u cos of curfewXD
and hang around in ur house until 9.30pm!!!
woohoo.
we sang mad woman and dance like there is no tmr.
aww miss parry!!!:(
class tee must have parry logo ok!!!!:)

AARON!!!
thanks a plenty.
ur really nice brother-in-christ.:)
change alot yea, for the better la!:)
haha,
thanks for the deserts yo...

i jus realised my hand is really small from the pic...
anyway,
MAGELLAN'S!!!
I MISS OBS, I MISS UBIN, I MISS KAYAKING, I MISS LAND EX, I MISS MORNING PT, I MISS SINGING TGT, I MISS HOGGING THE TOILET COS WE REACHED WAY BEFORE EXPECTED TIME, I MISS COMFORT FOOD, I MISS PEEING IN THE SEA(opps), I MISS PITCHING TENTS, BUT MOST OF ALL I MISS U GUYS!!!
hope we will see each other soon kays!

HAHAHA!
i think i seen u and Caroline the most this holiday among all the 3e3 ppl:)
ahh, this photo reminds me of the exam panic stress mode...
good old times. k la, not very good since stress but pulling through those times were awesome.
and we are like the class welfare commitee!
writing to ppl who need encouragement.:)
wat i wanna say is thanks for really being there for me through ups and downs.
really nice of u!!!
muaxXXXXX!
my kisses are really BOOMZZZ ok!:P
i shall see ur name on Valedictorian board!
9A1sssssss...
do MDM ANG AND MAMA FOONG proud!!
get out of special club.
then MAMA FOONG very happy,heh.
and i also got extra person to eat recess with ler!AWESOME!!!

PSerrr!!!
hahah k lah, not always.
u look stress yo, especially during exams...
super moody.
but nvm, for now exams are over.:)
next year O's... DO WELL FOR HISTORY!!! COS HISTORY ROXXXX!
and plspls dont go for Chinese studies la.
next thing i know, u speak to me in chinese.
then my brain break down.:P
cya

2009-12-05T00:08:00.002+08:00

LOOK,
I'm not a mind reader nor a psychic and definitely not God.
BUT, i totally understand or at least know how u feel.
and like an open book, i know u are 100% not okay.
only problem is, i don't know what to do?
or what to say to help u feel better and maybe ease ur pain.
if i could, i would.
cos that's what friends are for.
even better, that's what good/close/best friends are for.
here i am, giving u my listening ear and a shoulder to cry on if need be.
though i doubt u need the shoulder, ur too strong(not a good thing) and have too much pride to let yourself cry.
honestly, crying is definitely OKAY!!!
so let it out yea?
but if u think about it, u didn't even want to open urself to others.
i mean come on, if u just talk about what is bothering u.
i would give my best shot to help u, even if its hurts me.
cos i really love u.(as a friend of course)
but u dint want to open yourself, or maybe u didn't know how to open urself anymore...
after that big scar.
can understand.
all i ask for is that u give me instruction whether u want me be there for u or u want me leave u alone.
that's all, simple as that.
i will take approach from there.
and also, do u know how i feel?
i feel like a total letdown as ur friend.
i cant do a simple thing like comforting u cos I'm not given the chance.
and when u ask, u push me aside.
i tried, but u said i didn't try.
u did the exact same thing _ _ _ _ _ did.
and that frustrates me.
keep asking myself, am i really that useless?
i cant even tell that my friend wants my help anot?
maybe i am useless...
but i think for sure, I TRIED TO HELP.
u just didn't want my help at all..:(

2009-12-02T21:40:00.001+08:00

Trials are medicines which our gracious and wise Physician prescribes because we need them; and he proportions the frequency and weight of them to what the case requires. Let us trust his skill and thank him for his prescription.

~Isaac Newton~

2009-11-29T00:59:00.002+08:00

Grace get well soon ok.
i will be praying for you.:)

toady's my church mates wedding:)
happy hahah cos i love wedding
it was totally cool especially cos it was a military wedding with those sword thingy.
ohhh, makes me wanna marry a civil servant even more.
:D
kays, i know im random...
and i found some ppl really hot there.
raging hormones, pls forgiv=D
ohh and stupid mirabel,
shouldnt have lost my temper:(
sorry joanne feel bad for pushing everything to u.
and minmin and caleb(doubt u too will read,haha)
argh, i need to have self control to control my attitude and temper...
tsktsk.
God help me!

recently,
i have been dreaming of VP and him alot...
VP is damn scary!!!
she gives me nightmare.
i need see counsellor to help liao:(
seriously, she comes in my dreams EVERY FREAKING NIGHT!
sorry lah God, but i cant forgive her.
she is so mean!
picks on alot of girls!
MEANIE!!!
i dont feel i was in the wrong.
she is unreasonable!
but i still respect her even though she does not respect me at all.
i will only do that cos God ask me to respect and submit to authority.
ohh, i cant get him out of my mind.
we are 2 diff jigsaw puzzle that can never be matched together.
oh God, if this feeling is not from u.
pls help me take it away.

Larry Childers: Did you do your best, son?
David Childers: I knew I was gonna miss it before it kicked it.
Larry Childers: Your actions will always follow your beliefs, David.
David Childers: Dad, I can't even kick it straight.
Larry Childers: And I can't walk. Should I just stay home and pout about it? If you accept defeat, David, then that's what you'll get.

2009-11-24T22:59:00.002+08:00

First of all, I LOVE U GUYS!
secondly, Ms F made a decision to aim for SAJC!!!
NAFA is good too, jus that its a risk if u know what i mean.
oh and i believe u can do it Ms F.
ur smart girl, same for Ms S.
with God nothing is impossible right?????:)
of course lah! AMEN!
yayness, though i know its a hard decision.
im still glad u made a choice.
hopefully, we will be in the same sch after O's with Ms S.
so Ms S, work hard yea.
lets work hard together!!!!!
P.S. the school uniform rocks yo!!!

2009-11-18T00:16:00.002+08:00

so many paths, which one to choose?

2009-11-15T01:29:00.001+08:00

for a moment like this,
some ppl wait a life time...

2009-11-11T21:04:00.003+08:00

from my friends blog,
her own song!
very nice:)

have u wondered why
life seem so tough
have u ever wish
it was all a dream
have u ever felt
like running away
feeling all so empty again

if only life have got no sorrow
and im void of feelings
if i can run
and hide this mess
and pretend that all is fine
but i am losing myself, losing myself again

thats exactly how i feel right now....
to be or not to be?
to give or not to give?
to love or not to love?

2009-11-10T23:11:00.002+08:00

gahhh im the happiest girl in the world today:)
feel so blessed to be surrounded by friends and family.
made a few wishes for my bday
hahah
thanks for the presents i got.
thanks for making my day.
thanks for just being a very nice friend.

im gonna study from now on.
gotta buck up to do better next year.

today, im going to fully give up on u.
u just totally prove to me that im nothing to me.
stupid me.
to hold on this lie for 3freaking years.
i sick of u, and i look so good without u

2009-11-09T20:03:00.002+08:00

fuck off lah bitch!
stop nagging at me.
asshole!

ohhh thanks shu and fran for a wonderful day.
so pleasantly surprise ur got me a cake and a ring necklace!
woohoo jus what i really love:)
blessed to be surrounded by friends.

oh ya, OLEVEL ppl Goodluck my HMT classmates!
must do well.
conquer this mountain in front of u.
ur can do it!

and lastly,
to my dearest.
sorry if i have not been a very good friend.
thanks for telling me again so i can keep my attitude in check.
note to self:
CANNOT BE MOODY.
CANNOT COMPLAIN TOO MUCH.
MUST SMILE MORE.
AND BE HAPPY.
BE NICE TO MY FRIENDS.
TREAT THEM WITH APPRECIATION AND RESPECT.
hahha
random:)

2009-11-07T14:27:00.003+08:00

Just like a plain of wallflower hoping to be asked to dance...
but who am i kidding,
im standing right beside the most beautiful and gorgeous flower.
what am i compared to them?
worthless...
slowly, this wall flower begins to wither and fade away.
she has became invisible in everyone's eyes.
and now, even she believes she is nothing.
no one would ever appreciate her beauty.
she stares at her love once more,
he is dancing with the most beautiful and gorgeous flower.
she cried out to God,
"why do u make me so imperfect! so ugly? so invisible?"
"why do u make me stand beside the most beautiful and gorgeous flower?"
"the others mock and laugh when they look of me..."
the Lord, our God replied,
"my dearest? why do u have to be like the other flowers?"
"in my eyes ur the most beautiful and perfect flower that i created."
"ur unique and precious. not any other flower can ever replace u"
"u may only be jus one tiny person in this world, but u are the world to me"
"guard ur heart my dearest, for ur heart may be deceived."
"trust and obey, wait patiently. everything works perfect in my time"
"and lastly, IM MADLY AND DEEPLY IN LOVE WITH YOU!"
this plain wallflower was pulled to the dance floor.
and at that very second, all heads were turned to her.
not because of her extravengant beauty.
neither is it because they wanted to mock her.
but there was something in her that attracted their attention.
her inner beauty.
far more beautiful than anything else in this world.
her heart as pure as gold.
her tongue that speaks with love and encouragement
this is what they call:
true beauty:)

until God moves u, u r to grow where ur seed is planted!

2009-11-07T13:23:00.000+08:00

A Time for Everything

1There is a time for everything,

and a season for every activity under heaven:

2a time to be born and a time to die,

a time to plant and a time to uproot,

3a time to kill and a time to heal,

a time to tear down and a time to build,

4a time to weep and a time to laugh,

a time to mourn and a time to dance,

5a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,

a time to embrace and a time to refrain,

6a time to search and a time to give up,

a time to keep and a time to throw away,

7a time to tear and a time to mend,

a time to be silent and a time to speak,

8a time to love and a time to hate,

a time for war and a time for peace.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

2009-11-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

why do i fall for u when u have another person in mind?

2009-11-02T21:04:00.003+08:00

ur the reason for tear drops of my guitar
one miracle i hope that would happen is for us to be friends again...
but if u really want separation,
then there is nothing much i could do anymore.
except just forget it.
ur confusing me boy.
i miss our friendship more than our relationship.
take care baby.
praying for u.

and my dearest bro got me a guitar for my birthday.
im naming it "baby boy"
=D

2009-11-01T18:48:00.002+08:00

this picture makes me cry.
kor kor i really miss you.
when will God answer the prayer?
pls come back...

i still think of u each and everyday.
i dont wanna let go
but everyone around me says i should forget it.
i still wanna be friends
but i cant force things my way
wish u all the best darling,
fly away and forget me...
confuse by the word separation

2009-10-31T21:09:00.002+08:00

i want to dance!
but not just for anyone.
i want to dance for God.
God is prompting me to dance right now, he gave me all the moves i need.
oh thank God.
i should really start working on the musical skit dance thingy. ha
and i got tuition!!!
i feel so excited!
hahah, i really want to improve.
"faith without deed is dead"
so yea im working hard now to see the fruits of OUR labour later on.
alos parakletos is here to help me, whom should i fear?

you broke my heart once too many times.
even if my heart could be fixed,
it would never be prefect again.
i cant give anyone a pure heart ever again.
cos the scars u left on me are too deep.
i wish i could say, yeah no problem lets get out of each other's life.
but i cant' cos i treasure friendship way more than u do.
i guess we are even now.
cos i hurted u and u hurted me.
so no more.
i want out!
is friendship really that hard to achieve?
i will leave only becos i care for u.
even if it hurts me, i will still do it for u.
thats how much u mean to me.
wish i could say u r my world.
ur everything to me.
yet it all fall on death ears.

my chains are gone
im been set free
my god my saviour
has ransomed me
and like a flood
his mercy reign
unending love
amazing grace

2009-10-30T23:28:00.003+08:00

The Wait Poem

by Russell Kelfer

Desperately, helplessly, longingly, I cried;
Quietly, patiently, lovingly, God replied.
I plead and I wept for a clue to my fate . . .
And the Master so gently said,"Wait."

"Wait? You say wait?" my indignant reply.
"Lord, I need answers, I need to know why!
"Is your hand shortened? Or have you not heard?
By faith I have asked, and I'm claiming your Word.

My future and all to which I relate,
Hangs in the balance, and you tell me to Wait?"
I'm needing a 'yes,' a go-ahead sign.
Or even a 'no,' to which I'll resign.

You promised, dear Lord, that if we believe,
We need but to ask, and we shall receive.
Lord, I've been asking, and this is my cry:
I'm weary of asking! I need a reply.

Then quietly, softly, I learned of my fate,
As my Master replied again, "Wait."
So I slumped in my chair, defeated and taut,
And grumbled to God, "So, I'm waiting . . . for what?"

He seemed then to kneel, and His eyes met with mine . . .
And He tenderly said, "I could give you a sign.
I could shake the heavens and darken the sun.
I could raise the dead and cause mountains to run.

I could give all you seek and pleased you would be.
You'd have what you want, but you wouldn't know Me.
You'd not know the depth of My love for each saint.
You'd not know the power that I give to the faint.

You'd not learn to see through clouds of despair;
You'd not learn to trust just by knowing I'm there.
You'd not know the joy of resting in Me,
When darkness and silence are all you can see.

You'd never experience the fullness of love,
When the peace of My spirit descends like a dove.
You would know that I give, and I save, for a start,
But you'd not know the depth of the beat of My heart.

The glow of My comfort late into the night,
The faith that I give when you walk without sight.
The depth that's beyond getting just what you ask,
From an infinite God who makes what you have last.

You'd never know should your pain quickly flee,
What it means that My grace is sufficient for thee.
Yes, your dearest dreams overnight would come true,
But oh, the loss if I lost what I'm doing in you.

So, be silent, my child, and in time you will see,
That the greatest of gifts is to truly know me.
And though oft My answers seem terribly late,
My most precious answer of all is still "WAIT".

camp was _____(fill in yourself)
dragon boat was fun!
amazing race was awesome!
bash night was not too bad!

friendship:
i realised I'm not a very good friend.
I'm not supportive enough for my friends,
and i care too much for myself.
well, i believe everyone still have their good and bad points.
and what a good friend can do is tolerate and give constructive criticism to help each other improve.
i may not be the prefect friend, but i try my best:)

k this sounds so cliche, but just felt i needed to type down my raw emotions.

2009-10-25T23:34:00.003+08:00

i cry out to u oh lord,
just like how King David cried out to u.
how much do u want me to bear?
why do u want to test my faith?
when u know I'm weak?
i see the devils surrounding me,
they are too overwhelming for me to bear.
they laugh at my lack of faith.
they grab my hair and every single part of my body.
trying to pull me apart and tear me down.
rescue me oh father!
hear my cries!
just like how u heard Israel's cries to u.
listen to my prayer.
I'm down on my knees,
begging for forgiveness and mercy for my sins.
convict me oh God,
for every sin that manifest in my body, my mind, my soul and my spirit.
make me pure and clean
so i may stand righteous at the altar.
heal me yahweh raphah!
i do not want to walk down the valley of darkness alone.
i do not want to fear the devils, instead i want to fear u!
for my flesh is weak but my spirit is strong.
in every outcome i praise u.
just like how u helped me overcome retention,
may u help me overcome this obstacle right in front of me.
in jesus name i pray,
Amen!

2009-10-25T16:10:00.002+08:00

SPA IS GONNA KILL ME SOON!!!!!
hahas

hmmm,
went to ben church today.
fun and nice:)
i like the worship there.
gave me goosebumps
and i felt the holy spirit presence.
totally cool.
ppl there are very friendly too
especially the guys and the girls( elizabeth and zhiting i think)
hahha
i seem to be able to rmb names
yet i cant put the names and face together.
LOLz
might visit there again.
cos its in a lang i understand!!
ENGLISH!!
never loved a language so much before...

ok back to chionging for SPA

dearest father, may u bless me with wisdom and knowledge to understand the question so i may do well and may glorify ur name. AMEN!

2009-10-24T22:28:00.002+08:00

let go mirabel!
forget it....
someone pls brainwash me

POOL IS SO FUN!!!! <3<3<3<3<3<3

2009-10-24T00:23:00.003+08:00

the crush are dying away,
is that a good thing?
i think so.
but ivy says i might revert to my 'old ways'
hmmm, i rather not crush on anyone anymore.
feels like crushes are always one-sided.
leads to nothing at all even if i wish it could be more.
gets my hope too high
that when i fall into reality
hearts are being broken.

cell was fun today.
made me really reflect.
ALOT.
words.
our tongue can build ppl up with our words,
yet with the same tongue we curse and swear.
how can we praise and the same time curse?
it is not right...
its like contradicting ourselves.
the troubling thing is,
no matter how hard u try,
watever u say would be remembered for life by the person
be it a hurtful remark or a negative remark.
as much as u try to forget it,
it just stays in our head.
no matter how much u do to amend for ur mistakes,
it doesnt really change anything.
thats where the saying," whats done is done"
yea, we can say sorry and forgive the person.
but thats all we can do.
so important to do:
tame ur tongue:)

to all ppl who i had hurt before,
pls forgive me.
really am sorry if i said somthing nasty...

to someone: thank you:) u did something to make my day. and im really sorry. i dont know how many apologises i had already said to u, but i just cant get rid of the guilt in me. i feel i owe u big time. also knowing the fact that ur friends told u to do something to me, yet u being so nice didnt take any action. just make me feel like a witch.ha. i accepted u out of so many wrong reasons, and decided to leave it becos it was so selfish. maybe u can say its like making up for a mistake i commited. still, the scar is there. only time can heal it. and its really too bad for me, that i didnt appreciate u in the first place. wasting both urs and my time. now that i starting to fall for u, its kidda too late? feels like god is punishing me for my mistake. oh wells... and i have not got over u... thats bad. nevermind. go and enjoy urself with ur friends especially someone. i dont really want to care abnout it anymore. just 1 thing, some hurting me by doing something(u know wat) if u say u haven got over me yet. u by doing that, jus makes me feel that u are trying to annoy me. totally not funny... LOL

Aaron, Ben, Remus, Pete TALK TO ME!!!!! IM TOTALLY BORED HERE. ENTERTAIN ME ESPECIALLY AARON AW! HAHAH! MISSING U GUYS....:(

2009-10-21T22:01:00.011+08:00

191009 THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
nah its not the best day cos its my bday
neither is it best cos its a holiday for us
but becos of these wonderful ppl:)

ur made my day! love u guys so much:)
this is like our clique already lar! hahha
no wait shortie no in pic.
by that i mean desmond.

the 2years of friendship in p5 and p6 really bonded us.
i miss u all and love u guys so much.

i love the part when we played truth or dare and taking pics and eating together as class and plying pool!
next time we shall kayak together ok!:):):)
all if u have not goten back ur results yet, all the best ok! imsure u will do well.
u hear me francine! u can do it!

and i can be promoted!!! yayness! thank you dearest father! forholding on my future so tightly. never ever letting me go. never ever giving up hope on me. mdm ang and mrschung were vey nice to me this time round. mrs chung leh. wow!

talked alot with ivy about BOYS. hahha HTHT is so nice. we were like counting our crushes in our school. but they are off limits even if they r available.haha! personal vow to myself.LOL. shortie! , my bday can help u score a B3 or better for HMT so dont worry! have faith!!!! love u <3 and no worries wont 'snatch ur guys' LOL. off limits i know. hahahahha!

to someone: if love is so precious, i believe the feelings will never ever die if u have to wait for 5years. if it was meant to be then nothing can take it away.;) i dont wanna decide now. should say too heartbroken already. 1cor13 tells us all about love. broke so many rules of it. the very first, love is patience. HAH if ur close to me, u will know what im talking about.

i choose to forgive u even though u hurt me, becos WWJD? he would forgive. we may not talk now are even have anything to do with each other but there is no way i can ever forget u:) i know u did well in ur studies especially ur emath. thats good maths has been ur weakest sub. keep it that way and dont let me run into ur thoughts. i may be cruel and mean but its all for urs and my sake. one day, u will understand...

In times like these, i jus see god wonderful and powerful love for me. he has so much plans to prosper me and not to harm me. jeremiah!

2009-10-20T19:37:00.002+08:00

395/800 for overall.
failed 4subs too.
my God, this is bad
but thankfully haven include all the other test which i took this term. and also thankfully all this test passed!:) awesome.
not to mention that u have to add all four terms results together so that mean i met the criteria to promote i guess.
cross fingers and pray hard.

i might be forced to drop my subs though.:(
nvrmind wats done is done.
at least in every paper i gave Go my best shot.
didnt give up til the last minute.

he will open a way, when there seems to be no way:)

2009-10-15T01:15:00.002+08:00

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!
OH THANK YOU GOD!
FINALLY OVER!
YES!!!
though i dont have a good feeling that i did well, but i know very well i gave god my best shot.
even if results doesnt turn out the way i hope it would be, its ok to me:)
i prepared the field as much as i could, i hope u Lord will be please with it:)
Amen!

today, i realised that i have alot of learning to do.
1) that i need God so badly in my life.
2) life in not about me and my problems
3) everything works in his time
4) i love my brother very much and i miss him alot
5) i need to resect my brother and show him love
6) i pray that my brother comes back to God
7) i need to respect authorities like Mrs Chung
8) i have to seize the moments with my parents as they might not be her tmr
9) BGR can wait(HAH!)
10) time cannot heal emotional wounds BUT God can!
11) with lots of prayer meditation and fasting, i believe God can see my sincerity to change and he will give me strength whenever i am weak to overcome any temptation
12) i have to trust and obey his leading
13) self cutting is stupid
14) i should just shave my hair bald if it continues to drop(HAH!)
15) i can use dance to praise God
16) i need to find my old self back, the one who always smiles and used to be called sunshine:)
17) childlike faith can bring me a long way

also looking through past videos and photos i realised i have nice long thick hair!
hahhaha cos i really miss my hair. anyway, beside that point, i realise i am very close to ppl like caleb and isaac and all the guys.ha! maybe i was tomboy then...

i should slp soon. already 2am

2009-10-04T22:34:00.002+08:00

never thought i fear death so much.
my actions was so stupid.
wasnt thinking straight.
totally scarred myself, not a good way.
hopefully those scars would heal.

at times i feel like giving up.
it seems easier to sit back and let fear and pain and rejection and wat nots to overwhelm me.
but what good would it do?

u did the right thing.
so thankful that u understood how i felt.
the fact is:
it hurts when we talk
i still love u
i still miss u
i have not got over u 1 bit
...

shall go on a hiatus for 2weeks
hopfully it helps.

hensey u are such an idiot!
why did i care about the friendship with u??
im such a fool.
ur no longer worth my time.
my loss not mine.
i hate u!

2009-10-03T23:34:00.002+08:00

LAST POST:
can i die lord.
i dont want to continue anymore.
this war is just too hard to fight.
why is it always my fault that everything ends up this way.
what did i do again?
it has always been my fault, right from the start.
i caused everyone unhappiness.
i hate the 3letter word: bye
they always said that stupid word it me.
and it is always becos i did something or said something that made them not happy.
yea, maybe everything is really my fault.
my whole life was a mistake.
i should have never been born.
to many people eyes, im jus a bad kid, someone who never does something good.
if im gone, i bet no one would very miss me.
in fact, they will be much happier.
i will be 1 less burden in this world.

i no longer believe in love.
i can no longer trust anyone.

I AM SORRY has and hen and everyone else who knows me.

gone for good

2009-10-03T12:26:00.002+08:00

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

whatever shit u threw to me, i jus have no choice but to accept it right???
i want to run
i want to hide
i dont want to care about anything anymore!
but too bad im not this kind of person...

exams are in 2 days.
i cannot afford to let you flood my mind with everything about u.
from yesterday onwards, i shouldnt cry for u anymore.
i cant hold on to u when ur not mine anymore.
its not right.
im wont be jealous cause there no point being jealous.
i wont benifit at all.
i will just hurt myself more and more deeply.
wake up bel, stand up and walk!

something are holding on that makes one stronger, somethings is letting go.

im gonna make daddy jesus proud of me!
i will prove ppl wrong.
i will do well.
i will prepare the field for the rain.
then daddy jesus can show his power in my weakness.
we will see miracles
and hopefully revival in our sch.
praying that every heart humbles themselves and give all to the almighty.
all glory to him.
if i win i will praise him, if i lose i will STILL praise him!
Amen.

2009-10-02T21:26:00.002+08:00

u stab me so hard that i started to bleed again.
scars make u stronger for life huh?
im bleeding literally in love,pain,guilt,hurt,regret......
perhaps u can say its jealousy that makes me feel this way
i dont know, but im trying to act like i dont care which is really hard.
cause it matters to me. ALOT!
maybe becos i still cant help but miss u.:(
exams are in 3days and my mind is flooded with u.
why?!!!
i wanted to stand up again, but i heard u and i got pulled back to where i was nce again.
no, im not blaming u.
i never wanted to blame u for anything.
blame myself for all that has happen.
blame myself for hurting u, blame myself for fucking both our lives up when i should have said no, blame myself for all the regret...
if anyone was at fault, i should be the culprit.
though i dont think the person who i want him/her to read this is reading this, i just hope my message get across...

ur still someone special in my heart.

2009-09-28T23:19:00.002+08:00

haven blogged for quite a few days.
going on a hiatus again.
EOY coming in 1 week one.
so til then, see ya.

sometimes is holding on that make us stronger, sometimes it is letting go...
the feeling of loving someone who cant repay back that love.
the feeling of missing that someone special.
the feeling of forgiving someone who has hurt u so badly.
is it really possible???
well, God can. so i can:)

in ur time, in ur time. u make all things beautiful in ur time Lord.

2009-09-23T21:54:00.002+08:00

why do we humans only start realizing they liked something and miss that thing so much when it gone? who was i fooling, only msyself. iu fell so hard, i feel that im being burn out now.

where is the rainbow? rainbow of promise?
all i see is the dark clouds.
im looking forward to the sunshine and rainbow after every shower...
oh God, pls let me see a rainbow tmr to show me that ur are there!

2009-09-22T20:57:00.003+08:00

these wounds wont seem to heal, this pain is just to real. there is just too much that tie cannot erase...

what the F am i doing???!!!
why do i even add Hen back!
stupid stupid stupid!!!
sigh.
i should never had talked to has.
made me wanna cry again.
but i feel happy for u now.
cos u moved on.
and u finally accepted my apology or at least thats what i believed.
and thats what i choose to believe.
i feel a slight freedom from this guilt i had when u said i forgive u.
i would definitely choose to remember those happy moments.
ur like a rainbow faded in an twinkle of an eye, gone too soon.

for me,
i fall everytime i stand.
i take 1 step forward and slide 3steps back.
it only seems to get harder and harder every time i try.
perhaps im trying just too hard like what peter said.
i really need God right now.
to ask him to give me patience to let time heal.
he is the only one that can help me now.

i still hold on to this hope.
no matter what happens, no matter how long i have to wait.
i still believe and choose to believe that we can be back to talking terms again.
it may be hard but it is not impossible.
6months,1year,2years,5years, i dont mind the wait.
u may be mean to me by stating ur stand clear u do not want to be friends with me,
but that would not stop me for pinning on this hope.
there is something in me that have faith things will change.
i know it takes 2 hands to clap.
but my hand is always there and always will be there.
waiting for u.

i knew it would end.
i just didnt know it would end so badly and hurt so badly:(

NEVER WILL I EVER AGAIN GIVE MY HEART AWAY

2009-09-21T19:58:00.005+08:00

hmmm, today is not a good day:(
i think its becos i have free time.
and free time is not good.

kept thinking of u.
and looking through my msg.
ok note to self: DO NOT LOOK AT UR SMS!
ha...

anyway, i should be happy that u are moving on well.
its just that i feel kidda sad:(
sad becos i feels like im the only one still holding on.
sad becos u dont really care about me anymore(well u are not obliged to care, so yea...)
sad becos we seem like total strangers to each other
sad becos i dont even know whether time can help make us friends again.

boy you sure move on quickly.
perhaps its becos u got experience?
or maybe becos ur a guy.
and it may come off more easier for u.
u said i will move on faster, but looks like im having a harder time.

nevertheless, i should feel happy for u.
ur free now. at least thats what i believe.
letting u go for ur happiness and free from bondage.
this is the only reason why i dont sms u, dont talk to u.
and just give u space.

ur little actions pierced my heart.
every word u say or write jus seems like its jus for me.
But, i was so wrong.
u seem to care for me, but at the same time u dont.

i honestly still miss u, ur presense, ur daily sms, seeing ur facebook(LOL), talking on msn, miss walking u to kovan MRT, sending me home, going out together and the list goes on and on.
oh wells, i should put that aside and start mugging.
after all, mugging help me keep my mind off u.

regret, and heartache and guilt jus feel my heart.
i pray of lord, he blesses u with a good day, having friends around u and take good care of u.:)

2009-09-21T11:18:00.002+08:00

i feel like a stupid girl.
why is it just so hard???
u got over real fast huh.
hmmm okay forget it.

2009-09-17T22:06:00.002+08:00

talked to Caroline,
she is an awesome person to get advice from:)
even though she seems like a logical person,
she can get very sentimental and emotional...
and she is also someone who is very cheerful.
what she said was comforting.
i should just be myself.
stop trying to please everyone.
its ok to be unhappy,
its ok to be sad,
its ok to complain to your friends or ask advice from your friends,
its ok to blow up in other words be angry.
i just have to pick myself up again after every fall.
i cannot go on being unhappy.
i should not let the problem affect my mood and the way i treat people.
i have to try to be happy.
and of course say sorry to those i offended unintentionally.:)

BEWARE CHEM AND PHY!
I WILL CONQUER U ONE DAY!!!
THOSE FEW DAYS WERE PAINFUL,
BUT AFTER A WHILE ITS GETTING EASIER ALREADY.
I HOPE YOU CAN PUT ME ASIDE AND CONCENTRATE ON YOUR STUDIES
AS WELL AS SPEND TIME WITH UR FRIENDS:)

hope is a powerful word.
quoted from pete blog:
the strong have hope, the hopefuls are strong.
i HOPE we can be friends again.

speaking of friends,
they are amazing creatures that God create and placed in my life.
we go through thick and thin together.
and they are the people who puts up with whatever shit i give them.
they are frank to us to help us improve.
they are people who understand you inside out.
they know your strengths your weakness.
and they last longer than relationships.
whatever it is, im just thankful to have friends!!!

2009-09-16T21:39:00.002+08:00

i have fallen short of his mighty glory.
i may have sin against you
and i may face many problems in life like friends,boys,or just school work...
BUT
i am pleasantly surprise that God is enthralled by me and i am not a wallflower.
you is madly in love with me.
you does not judge me for my every mistake i make.
rather you and your angels rejoices everytime i repent.
you cares for me more than anyone in this world
you gave your precious son's life for our salvation
your grace is more than enough
therefore all of my hope should be pin on you

2009-09-16T17:49:00.003+08:00

i am terribly sorry ppl!
especially my dearest friends...
im been too called up in my own world,
that i forget that this world is not about me.
i thought as friends i could complain everything to you, but never did i realise your feel like i complain too much.
and i didnt know that sometimes i want things my way?
i thought friends are suppose to be there to support and comfort us when we feel sad.
but i also didnt know your feel ur have the rights to not comfort me.
like ur dont have to sympathise me...
perhaps i have grown up in a fairy tale world where i can always rely on my friends to support me and comfort me whenever i fall.
then when i tell too much of my problems, ur will feel i am too much.
ur give in to me when i throw tantrum?
no wonder Ms S dare not tell us about her problems cos she feel she is a bother to others.
im always unhappy...
have this glum face.
and ppl around me will feel really negative:(
i didnt want to purposely put the show my unhappy face around u guys.
im not unhappy becos of ur.
im unhappy becos of studies, dance, him, my secret, my stupid hair(lol), my not close walk with god......
im sorry if i made ur feel i am unhappy with u guys
becos i cant take the stress in 3e3.
the subjects are hard.
at times like this, i feel like dropping already.
i put alot of burden on others and at times i feel that way too.
i lose my temper easily and easily agitated.
that i agree. i pissed myself up at times.
i take ppl for granted??? i didnt know. but im sorry if i did.
i am rude!
im such a spoilt brat!
i need a attitude adjustment.
im so sorry guys.
bear with me for a while
i promise to change.
just need a little more time...
okays?:)
i will smile more, i will try to control my temper, i will talk more happy stuff, i wont complain in front of u guys anymore(i try)
i will share my unhappiness for my loving father then. he will never get angry or find me a bother...:)

2009-09-15T19:57:00.002+08:00

term 4 has started.
everything is running as usual.
school still starts at 7.15am, i still wake up at 6am for school.
cca and lessons still run as normal.
tests and exams are coming our way.
BUT, there is just one thing missing.
You...

i seriously miss all the times we spent together...
oh wells.:(

time to move on.
time for some space between us.
letting go.
setting u free.
and this is the only thing i can do now for u.
for our good.
though it sucks at times...
no other way to sorry than this already.
i still feel so guilty.:(
hope my wish will still come true

2009-09-11T23:57:00.000+08:00

I HAVE DECIDED.
I WILL MOVE ONE.
I SHOULD JUST LET GO.
GO ON BEL, JUS MOVE!

2009-09-10T12:44:00.003+08:00

i woke up at 11 today:)
cos i was praying and crying until like 1am...
wow, i felt SOOO MUCH BETTER after singing and crying and jus telling my dearest lover(God) how i truly felt and just screaming out all those fear that is calling out my name.
my lover also help me overcome my tempt. wooohooo!
praise be to the lord!
i will overcome it with God's help no matter how long or hard it takes...
fill me with the spirit again.
he who is in me is far stronger than he who is against me, therefore whom shall i fear?
Amen!

oh thanks MISS S for the wonderful pencil case and Cross... I LOVE IT!
MISS F thanks for the post yea!
in all thanks babes...
and u ivy TAN, u r a babe too! ahha:)

when i think of OBS, i think of u.
the time we practice belaying, u were my belayer.
when i couldnt climb the rock wall, u said nvm its ok.
when we did kayaking, u made all of us laugh cos of ur friend John.LOL
during land expedition, u were the one leading songs to encouraging us.
u also kept talking about ur ex during camp and all of us felt so weird. haha
finding tent pegs together with syahirah and kian hong was all so funny becos kian hong couldnt find a single one!
when you did trust fall, ALL of us thought we were going to die! LOL cos u know ur size is so BIG! Strongman! said by waimin...:)
when it was the last day, you went into emo state. no one knew why... i knew why.
this are just some parts of my memories which i can really really well.

too many memories of u...
msgs,photos,number,msn and pastconversation on msn,blog,fb,OBS,going out tog
so hard to let go.
i feel like an evil person now.
but my friends say what i am feeling and what i did is normal.
is it?
really?
im confused...
and how come this one hurts so much more than the other?
move on bel,move on...

oh i cant log into facebook.sian lar!!!
things to be done:
1)finish hw
2)start revising for exam
3)plan my timetable and targetsetting(which i dont realy follow) hahha
4)the old has gone the new has come.(try to guess wat i mean)
5)catch up with my friends as much as i can:)
6)forget YOU, lets be friends!=D
7)pack my room AGAIN~!~!
8)and last be not least,God.

im gonna sing sing sing im gonna shout shout shout im gonna sing im gonna shout praise the lord!!! when the gates are open wide im gonna side at jesus side im gonna sing im gonna shout praise the lord!!!
i should change sing to sing and play
and
shout to dance to you
hahha cool!!!:)ok random....
ohhh i love this sunday school song so many fond memories....
AHHH i miss children sunday school ALOT!!!

2009-09-09T20:51:00.003+08:00

i dont keep things to myself becos i dont trust a person.
its becos i find my self a bother...
i mean who would not get sick of listening to me.
i would get sick of talking about it too.
anyway i feel so small as compared to charmaine
just 4 and she has cancer!
but she is a strong girl.
she fighting the 'monster'
even hair dropping doesnt matter to her now.
she just want her life back
perhaps she should be my inspiration and determination
when i feel sad cos of my hair, i should see life the way she sees it!
so if u see that im upset and i dont want to say why.
this is the reason becos of stupid hair!LOL

i hate myself at times.
i dont want to be over sensitive and emotional
yet i became too open to some ppl.
i cant do anything to please EVERYONE right...
do i have self respect for myself???
i dont know.
what u said made my heart hurt deeply.
i feel like a cheap person right now.
perhaps that is ur impression of me now uh?
i told u my secrets becos u wanted me to say.
yet u r using them against me now.
u wanted me to be open and no secrets at all,
yet u say im too open now.
SO DO I HAVE SELF RESPECT?
i dont even know...

i cried 6times today.
thankfully i have ivy,cheryl,edith,james,peter,francine and shuying for help.
u guys really supported me.
thank you for cheering me up ok.
i love you all.:)
i especially love u franny and shu...
our sang love song to me!
hahah
so sweet man...
and u peter!
yes u!
haha singing christian songs helps!

im not gonna hide that i am really sad and hurt and regretful over this.
but i think this is wat god wants
and wat i want
i love you too much to make u stay, baby fly away...
time will heal i guess
jus hope we will be friends again
and dont blame urself

in the mean while,
i need therapy!
there is a trend that is happening again...
i gotta ask god for help on this one.
perhaps im sending the wrong signal.
or perhaps it is becos i lost my morals
or maybe i didnt follow god's leading
or really jus maybe i didnt respect myself well enough...
haix
i shall ask god for help to overcome my deepest darkest secrets...
i think i will start fasting and praying now.

wat can i ever do with ppl like u!

2009-09-08T20:07:00.002+08:00

dear lord, i dont know what to say...
im confused yet at peace right now
i know deep in my heart
that this is wat u want me to do
cos u knew this would happen