191009 THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE
nah its not the best day cos its my bday
neither is it best cos its a holiday for us
but becos of these wonderful ppl:)










ur made my day! love u guys so much:)
this is like our clique already lar! hahha
no wait shortie no in pic.
by that i mean desmond.

the 2years of friendship in p5 and p6 really bonded us.
i miss u all and love u guys so much.

i love the part when we played truth or dare and taking pics and eating together as class and plying pool!
next time we shall kayak together ok!:):):)
all if u have not goten back ur results yet, all the best ok! imsure u will do well.
u hear me francine! u can do it!

and i can be promoted!!! yayness! thank you dearest father! forholding on my future so tightly. never ever letting me go. never ever giving up hope on me. mdm ang and mrschung were vey nice to me this time round. mrs chung leh. wow!

talked alot with ivy about BOYS. hahha HTHT is so nice. we were like counting our crushes in our school. but they are off limits even if they r available.haha! personal vow to myself.LOL. shortie! , my bday can help u score a B3 or better for HMT so dont worry! have faith!!!! love u <3 and no worries wont 'snatch ur guys' LOL. off limits i know. hahahahha!

to someone: if love is so precious, i believe the feelings will never ever die if u have to wait for 5years. if it was meant to be then nothing can take it away.;) i dont wanna decide now. should say too heartbroken already. 1cor13 tells us all about love. broke so many rules of it. the very first, love is patience. HAH if ur close to me, u will know what im talking about.

i choose to forgive u even though u hurt me, becos WWJD? he would forgive. we may not talk now are even have anything to do with each other but there is no way i can ever forget u:) i know u did well in ur studies especially ur emath. thats good maths has been ur weakest sub. keep it that way and dont let me run into ur thoughts. i may be cruel and mean but its all for urs and my sake. one day, u will understand...

In times like these, i jus see god wonderful and powerful love for me. he has so much plans to prosper me and not to harm me. jeremiah!

395/800 for overall.
failed 4subs too.
my God, this is bad
but thankfully haven include all the other test which i took this term. and also thankfully all this test passed!:) awesome.
not to mention that u have to add all four terms results together so that mean i met the criteria to promote i guess.
cross fingers and pray hard.

i might be forced to drop my subs though.:(
nvrmind wats done is done.
at least in every paper i gave Go my best shot.
didnt give up til the last minute.

he will open a way, when there seems to be no way:)

EXAMS ARE OVER!!!!
OH THANK YOU GOD!
FINALLY OVER!
YES!!!
though i dont have a good feeling that i did well, but i know very well i gave god my best shot.
even if results doesnt turn out the way i hope it would be, its ok to me:)
i prepared the field as much as i could, i hope u Lord will be please with it:)
Amen!

today, i realised that i have alot of learning to do.
1) that i need God so badly in my life.
2) life in not about me and my problems
3) everything works in his time
4) i love my brother very much and i miss him alot
5) i need to resect my brother and show him love
6) i pray that my brother comes back to God
7) i need to respect authorities like Mrs Chung
8) i have to seize the moments with my parents as they might not be her tmr
9) BGR can wait(HAH!)
10) time cannot heal emotional wounds BUT God can!
11) with lots of prayer meditation and fasting, i believe God can see my sincerity to change and he will give me strength whenever i am weak to overcome any temptation
12) i have to trust and obey his leading
13) self cutting is stupid
14) i should just shave my hair bald if it continues to drop(HAH!)
15) i can use dance to praise God
16) i need to find my old self back, the one who always smiles and used to be called sunshine:)
17) childlike faith can bring me a long way

also looking through past videos and photos i realised i have nice long thick hair!
hahhaha cos i really miss my hair. anyway, beside that point, i realise i am very close to ppl like caleb and isaac and all the guys.ha! maybe i was tomboy then...

i should slp soon. already 2am

never thought i fear death so much.
my actions was so stupid.
wasnt thinking straight.
totally scarred myself, not a good way.
hopefully those scars would heal.

at times i feel like giving up.
it seems easier to sit back and let fear and pain and rejection and wat nots to overwhelm me.
but what good would it do?

u did the right thing.
so thankful that u understood how i felt.
the fact is:
it hurts when we talk
i still love u
i still miss u
i have not got over u 1 bit
...

shall go on a hiatus for 2weeks
hopfully it helps.

hensey u are such an idiot!
why did i care about the friendship with u??
im such a fool.
ur no longer worth my time.
my loss not mine.
i hate u!

LAST POST:
can i die lord.
i dont want to continue anymore.
this war is just too hard to fight.
why is it always my fault that everything ends up this way.
what did i do again?
it has always been my fault, right from the start.
i caused everyone unhappiness.
i hate the 3letter word: bye
they always said that stupid word it me.
and it is always becos i did something or said something that made them not happy.
yea, maybe everything is really my fault.
my whole life was a mistake.
i should have never been born.
to many people eyes, im jus a bad kid, someone who never does something good.
if im gone, i bet no one would very miss me.
in fact, they will be much happier.
i will be 1 less burden in this world.

i no longer believe in love.
i can no longer trust anyone.

I AM SORRY has and hen and everyone else who knows me.

gone for good

I just want to run
Just want to hide away
Close my eyes to your gaze
Just want to leave
Don't want to hear them say
"You're no good at this"

When the world swirls with naysayers
Broken wings and torn pages
The road ahead
Drowning in my tears

Break me open
Tear me down
Into pieces
Broken crumbs
On the ground
You can mould and shape me
In your image
Breathe your life
You know I need it
Scars make us stronger for life

Losing myself
Gaining it back again
Forging strength from weakness
All that I am
All that I'm meant to be
Melting in your hand

Let the world swirl with naysayers
Pickled hearts and sour faces
What is real is what I cannot see

Cut away
All within me
That won't bear fruit
Cut away
All within me

whatever shit u threw to me, i jus have no choice but to accept it right???
i want to run
i want to hide
i dont want to care about anything anymore!
but too bad im not this kind of person...

exams are in 2 days.
i cannot afford to let you flood my mind with everything about u.
from yesterday onwards, i shouldnt cry for u anymore.
i cant hold on to u when ur not mine anymore.
its not right.
im wont be jealous cause there no point being jealous.
i wont benifit at all.
i will just hurt myself more and more deeply.
wake up bel, stand up and walk!

something are holding on that makes one stronger, somethings is letting go.



im gonna make daddy jesus proud of me!
i will prove ppl wrong.
i will do well.
i will prepare the field for the rain.
then daddy jesus can show his power in my weakness.
we will see miracles
and hopefully revival in our sch.
praying that every heart humbles themselves and give all to the almighty.
all glory to him.
if i win i will praise him, if i lose i will STILL praise him!
Amen.

u stab me so hard that i started to bleed again.
scars make u stronger for life huh?
im bleeding literally in love,pain,guilt,hurt,regret......
perhaps u can say its jealousy that makes me feel this way
i dont know, but im trying to act like i dont care which is really hard.
cause it matters to me. ALOT!
maybe becos i still cant help but miss u.:(
exams are in 3days and my mind is flooded with u.
why?!!!
i wanted to stand up again, but i heard u and i got pulled back to where i was nce again.
no, im not blaming u.
i never wanted to blame u for anything.
blame myself for all that has happen.
blame myself for hurting u, blame myself for fucking both our lives up when i should have said no, blame myself for all the regret...
if anyone was at fault, i should be the culprit.
though i dont think the person who i want him/her to read this is reading this, i just hope my message get across...

ur still someone special in my heart.