i miss the mini church camp alot! school starting tomorrow and i am not even excited. whats worse? i can't lock into MSN. arghhhh!

i learnt something that i won't learn else where.
i'm such a coward.
always trying to run away from my problems
i'm scared to face it.

i feel i'm becoming more and more depressed.
so easily affected by stuff around me
and i feel im such a trouble to others.

in this world i'm in,
i feel so scared and lost.
not sure which direction and who to turn to

i depend too much on others.
i ask alot from them
always wanting them to be there for me
but they are only human
and they can never always be there for me.

so i decided not to tell them my problems.
scared that they find me a nuisance
and that they might despise me for it

God feels very far right now
it feels like his is 1 minute here and another minute gone

i craving for love that God can give me
but i dont feel it anymore.
my parents don't even feel anything wrong with me
and so do my friend
they can never give me the love i want

mum and dad fight alot nowadays
and i'm scared.
scared that i would lose 1 of them
i'm scared that if i tell them my problems,
it would cause them to fight more.

i feel like im losing my bestie
we seem that we are going separate ways
and i don't blame her
she might hate me because i was not talking to her clique
i guess its time to let go

i know that my church mates care
i can tell they want to know whats wrong
but i don't know how to explain this feeling
this feeling is indescribable

i cry alot nowadays
actually almost everyday
i can't smile anymore
i trying to bottle all of my fears and hurts up
but soon i'm going to explode
they say i'm more moody now
i can't help it

so i resort to slitting
seems to help alot though its short term
i know i used to say smoking is bad
but at certain time in life,
you can't help but say that smoking really does help
the taste of the cigarette feels bad
but not as bad as the hurt and fears i feel now
i know people will hate me for doing this
but i won't blame them for it

at the very least i'm trying to stop ____
catherine i think you know what that is

i'm praying that tomorrow will be a better day
so i could at least smile once

P.S. James i hope this answer your question on whats wrong