i regret, but there's no use...
stupid, just plain stupid.

Standing in awe of Your grace
Setting my feet in Your ways
Entering into Your presence
To behold You face to face

God of all Heaven and earth
Holding me in Your embrace
Unfailing love that surrounds me
Oh..God I stand amazed

My Jesus, My Lord
You're the love of my life
Wherever You go
Wanna be by Your side
No longer I
But Christ living in me
Serving You for all eternity

My eyes set on You
In this race that I run
No longer my ways
Let Your will be done
Make me a servant
My heart's ever true
Clinging to the cross
I'll follow You
I'll follow you

this is how i feel LORD,

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or, are we caught in the middle?
Are we caught in the middle?

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

so what did i do for the past few days you may wonder?
well, i painted my room PURPLE!*screams* LOL
i honestly love purple!
me: agreed?
readers: agree!!!
lol. i shall stop crapping...
Caroline helped me of course...
she painted sort of a mural in my room.
painting of a street lamp with star-like flower curling around it.
BUT... side effects from painting my room is:
1) swollen hand
2) fever *cos slept late touching up my room*
3) whole body is now aching...
4) fell of the ladder-_-(yes, i know... i am very clumsy.)
however, i seriously LOVE my room now.
so all that pain is worth it.

Jeremiah 1:19 (New International Version)
19 They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

right now, i feel like slapping that bitch. I'm nice so i wont reveal her name...
who do you think you are? very clever arh? smart Alex! think you know everything...
my care now turn to hate... don't ask me why because i don't know why too? but if you want to continue like that, go ahead. I WON'T CARE!

angel:I MISS YOU!

Lord, tell me what is bothering me?
i feeling so frustrated right now.
am i giving him a chance?

i realise i there are alot of silent readers reading my blog

this post is dedicated to my dearest bestie... and of course those who are reading this too.

"THERE WILL BE A DAY"


Revelation 21:4 and he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away.

Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us-ward.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth
That we will enter in this rest with wonders a new

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

Chorus
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I cant wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away
the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life
of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing

"Everybody's Fool"


perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask
where will you hide
can't find yourself
lost in your lie
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
it never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool

YOU made me feel like a bloody fool. and YOU don't even know you are the one. there's no meaning anymore. no more meaning to live. I was doing fine before you came! so stop acting like you are a BIG hero. cos you are the BIGGEST LOSER I EVER SEEN!!!

came across a website called 'sexinchrist'. and the website encouraged different kind of sexs before marriage! like WTF sia! what are you trying to teach? its okay to have sex, just dont knot up a girl?! and what... using those 'increase you penis size' pills are also okay? the person who wrote the website is like compromising!

lol, i freaking pissed now... not only because of the website but also because of that person above, another person stood me up AGAIN. i repeat AGAIN! such a bitch!!! you know who you are... i may act like i'm fine with it but remember that it is your 5time!!! BITCH man... i will know whether we are friends anot if u do it again...

Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity.
1 timothy 4:12

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

[Chorus:] Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

my childhood nightmares are coming back again!
i used to call it the dream monster...
yea yea, go on and laugh.

i dreamt that my parents divorce or died suddenly
i dreamt that i have to retake my piano exam over and over again. (i cried)
i dreamt of my grandparents coming to take me with them. (way creepy!)
i dreamt i loss someone really special to me in an accident. (will not tell the name)
i dreamt i killed my father. (OMG!)
i dreamt that i was abused, physically.

hmmmm, i think i think too much.

i never thought of this until today.
don't ask me why i thought of it.
i just did.
is anyone afraid of death?
afraid of walking the green mile?
i know i am.
i hate pain, hate parting with my loved ones.
but what if one day you found out:
you are dying...
at this very moment, every second is passing so quickly,
what would you do?
how would you live the remaining of your life then?
optimistically or pessimistically?
would you cry your heart out, and drown into self-pity, thinking that you are the unlucky one?
or laugh at others who are worst off then you?
what did jesus did when he knew his time on Earth was coming to an end?
he prayed...... for us.
such selfless love...

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to meeeee...
Happy Birthday to me!

finally, i am legal to say im really 14 not just going 14...
i have grown a year older.
learn alot a things through pain and happiness , even though i know i still got more to learn.
a friend once told me happiness shared is doubled while sorrow shared is halved.
i really happy to know i could shared both my happiness and sorrow with my friends and loved ones.
i always thought, if i could rewind time. i could make amendments to those mistakes.
but i worry, if i take away those pain, would i lost those life lessons and happiness too?
i wouldn't be who i am today...
so i appreciate every one of the pain as well as happiness.

anyway, i thank those who wish me happy birthday be it through sms, personally, facebook.... anything, thanks for remembering...

thank you Lord, for showing me that i still have feelings for my brother. i still love him as my brother of course. i should have forgiven him a long time ago. but i held grudged which sour our relationship. Lord if this grudge is not from you, please take it away...

see what i got for my b'day:

from my kor, didn't expect him to give me anything. somemore is using his own money, so sweet of him.


from my mother, a hoodie


phone keychain from keith.:)


watch from limxi, ivy, grace.


a cross necklace from mum.


from ivy, limxi, grace. thankies...


new sport shoe from my dear mum...

New school shoe because of sec2 camp, repainting my room, new skinny jeans, a shoe my sis painted for me... (lazy to upload the pics)

i had fun yesterday. i honestly did. eating pancake of course. though my b'day treat maybe small, but its the thought that counts right.:] Thanks guys!!!

i told myself to forget you. but i'm still giving you 2 more days. i promise my mum and dad i would forget about you, but it is just too hard. in the dark, i still continued to talk to you. but no more, i know i have to let go. what this friend of mine said is right, if i think you are already good enough but God doesn't think you are the best choice, that means there is someone else better for me. and why do i continue to forgive you and say you will change when 23hours and day you are hurting me?

I decided to not upload the photos on 2e1 chalet cos most of them are already loaded in facebook.

on thursday, went to taka with minmin and ASM jiejie. walk walk walk and talk talk talk. oh i almost forgot, eat eat eat. nothing much cos everything was super ultra expensive except for books. but they are considered expensive. anyway, i bought a book:A walk to remember. its really a nice story BUT... i broke after i bought that book. sad:( then we 'camp' in james house. watch tv and more tv. honestly, i dont their parents actually like us(their mum to be exact) but anyway, i dont really care...

today went to school to look for Mrs VJ but she was in a meeting so wait and wait and wait. grace said i got into a smarty pants class.3E3 which i dont think it is a good thing. i have my reasons for saying so... i'm so gonna miss 2e1 alot. every single one of them. why cant we stay in the same class but have different subject since it is homeroom system anyway? GRACE and JOANNA! why your not in 3e3!!! im so gonna miss your the most!!!

perhaps, it is the Lord's plan. his will is different from what i wanted, but i know god does such things so that it will benefit all of us. I trust in you Lord.

God, help grace understand why you gave her biology, help her overcome her fear. for only you know what is best for her.
God, also help ivy. her close friends are all in 3e1, but i know that you made this arrangement so it will benefit her close friends and herself. even though she may not believe and trust your ways, please guide her.

very very tired right now but i really enjoyed myself ;D
if you ask why am i so tired, maybe it is because i went for 2 chalets on the same day.
1 for OCC b'day and the other was for me, lol, just kidding, it was 2e1 chalet.
but 2e1 was very sweet, celebrated fengling and my b'day+LimXi(if only if you didn't leave so early)
fengling, please thank your mum for me for the wonderful cake even though most were thrown at each other. hehe.
i think i got smashed on the face with the cake like 5 TIMES!
BBQ was really not bad, i did not have to lift a finger because the guys helped with the BBQing.
now who said guys can't cook, or at least BBQ? NOT ME...
i didn't know guys could be so Friendly, they wished us b'day girls happy birthday and shook our hands. i mean, i really, honestly, didn't expect that from them. so ya, thanks guys. you're sweet!
i went to the beach with Adelle and Jinyee because i didn't feel like cycling.
camwhoring is FUN! p.s. we are not the excessive type...
the Sun was..... how to put it..... disappearing?
it drizzled so we had to find shelter. and we saw i couple kissing. awww, so sweet. hahas, i know, i'm a busybody.

photos will be uploaded soon, i think...
btw, if anyone wanna buy log cake, pls tell me because my cousin is selling them.

why????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't get it!!!!!!!!!
i want chem and bio but why give me chem and physics!!!!!!
now i have to go to school to get my results!!!
sigh................

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours

My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
~the end~

hahas, you are so old now!!! jkjk...
1 more week to mine hehe :P

beholding Your beauty is all that i long for
to worship You Jesus is my soul desire
for this very heart You have shaped me Your pleasure
purpose to lift Your name high

hear and surrender in pure adoration
i enter Your courts with an offering of praise
i am Your servant come to bring You glory
as is fit for the work of Your hands

now unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
be glory and honor and praise
all of creation resounds with the song
worship and praise Him the Lord of lords

the spirit now living and dwelling within me
keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus' face
let not the things of this world ever sway me
i will run 'till i finish the race

singing unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
be glory and honor and praise
all of creation resounds with the song
worship and praise the Lord
now unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
be glory and honor and praise
all of eternity echoes the song
worship and praise Him the Lord of lords

Holy Lord
You are Holy
Jesus Christ is the Lord
singing, Holy Lord
You are Holy
Jesus Christ is the Lord

Teach me Lord, to walk the path you want me to walk. for you are the light of my path.