to my dearest bestie,



i love you...:)

God, thank you for the experience, to live in Cambodia for 10days.
its so amazing and indescribable.
i learnt ALOT from this trip like to appreciate things like water, food, medicine, school, home and family.
"the greatest thing to do is love, and the best time to love is now."
Empower me LORD, empower me...
God, i will be bold. i will not hide my true self anymore.

back from 2 camp and going for another one tmr.
haix, haven finish homework yet...
but, i know God is going to mold me to a stronger person after this few camps.
my greatest wish is to lose 5kg when i'm in Cambodia.(pls Lord, help me) lol
anyways, pray for the whole group safety alright?:)
see you all on christmas eve!

Lord this is my prayer.
help me to view things in an open manner.
that everything does not have to always be about me and my self-centred needs.
help me to get rid of my disastrous habit (like always coming late...)
teach me to forgive and forget the mistakes others and myself made.
and lastly, please teach me how to love and obey my parents, because i don't want them to cry or be upset because of me.

13And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love. 1 corinthians 13:13 :)

My gosh, im falling in LOVE with 'boys like girls'.
ok i admit they are not as bad i thought they were.

ok bac to topic, i finally finish painting my room with the help of caroline and mother. the vines do make me go a little crazy after you stare at it a very long time.

as from tmr onwards, i wont get to use the com as often cos i wont be in S'pore for most of my remaining holiday. sad:(

But on the brighter side... it gives me time to forgot ________.=D p.s. if you are smart enough, your could figure that one out...

ok enough crapping, i need to do my hw right now. cos it is calling me in a pitiful voice... blah blah blah rubbish! hw are rubbish, not only do they waste my precious time( not that i used it wisely anyway), But, they are trying to test my memory rather than knowledge to see whether i still could do my work. duuuumbbbb ASS!

written with love,
Mirabel

standing in awe of Your grace
setting my feet in Your ways
entering into Your presence
to behold You face to face
God of all Heaven and earth
holding me in Your embrace
unfailing love that surrounds me
oh~ God I stand amazed

my Jesus my Lord
You're the love of my life
wherever You go wanna be by Your side
No longer I but Christ living in me
serving You for all eternity

my eyes set on You in this race that I run
no longer my ways let Your will be done
make me a servant my heart's ever true
clinging to the cross I’ll follow You

I’ll follow You

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace...

just a few verses from the bible that i wish to share...

“Then Jesus declared, "I am the bread of life. He who comes to me will never go hungry, and he who believes in me will never be thirsty.”- John 6:35

"They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD."- Jeremiah 1:19

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."- Jeremiah 29:11

if i can remember correctly, there is this verse i learn when i was in Thailand.
"heaven and earth will pass away, but the Lord's word will remain..."
sorry if it is not the actual words, cant really remember it since it was in Thai:)

thank you dearest! for everything...... and of course, im sorry too. love ya!

im walking away, not turning back again... cos i know, you are just my fairytale... BUT, i will still pray for you.

1 dec 08,

1 more month before school reopens,
argh, so sian...
2008 is coming to an end, while a new year would be starting soon.
Looking back at what God has given me and what he has not-given me.
sometimes, life can get pretty unfair at times.
But, there has to be a reason for everything right?
so, i will thank him for all the lesson he had taught me
even though, i have to learn it through hurt and pain.
i would still thank him.

i hate myself for something stupid i've done. God, help me forgive and forget....

i regret, but there's no use...
stupid, just plain stupid.

Standing in awe of Your grace
Setting my feet in Your ways
Entering into Your presence
To behold You face to face

God of all Heaven and earth
Holding me in Your embrace
Unfailing love that surrounds me
Oh..God I stand amazed

My Jesus, My Lord
You're the love of my life
Wherever You go
Wanna be by Your side
No longer I
But Christ living in me
Serving You for all eternity

My eyes set on You
In this race that I run
No longer my ways
Let Your will be done
Make me a servant
My heart's ever true
Clinging to the cross
I'll follow You
I'll follow you

this is how i feel LORD,

Somewhere between the hot and the cold
Somewhere between the new and the old
Somewhere between who I am and who I used to be
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Somewhere between the wrong and the right
Somewhere between the darkness and the light
Somewhere between who I was and who You're making me
Somewhere in the middle, You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Fearless warriors in a picket fence, reckless abandon wrapped in common sense
Deep water faith in the shallow end and we are caught in the middle
With eyes wide open to the differences, the God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His or, are we caught in the middle?
Are we caught in the middle?

Somewhere between my heart and my hands
Somewhere between my faith and my plans
Somewhere between the safety of the boat and the crashing waves

Somewhere between a whisper and a roar
Somewhere between the altar and the door
Somewhere between contented peace and always wanting more
Somewhere in the middle You'll find me

Just how close can I get, Lord, to my surrender without losing all control

Lord, I feel You in this place and I know You're by my side
Loving me even on these nights when I'm caught in the middle

so what did i do for the past few days you may wonder?
well, i painted my room PURPLE!*screams* LOL
i honestly love purple!
me: agreed?
readers: agree!!!
lol. i shall stop crapping...
Caroline helped me of course...
she painted sort of a mural in my room.
painting of a street lamp with star-like flower curling around it.
BUT... side effects from painting my room is:
1) swollen hand
2) fever *cos slept late touching up my room*
3) whole body is now aching...
4) fell of the ladder-_-(yes, i know... i am very clumsy.)
however, i seriously LOVE my room now.
so all that pain is worth it.

Jeremiah 1:19 (New International Version)
19 They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you," declares the LORD.

right now, i feel like slapping that bitch. I'm nice so i wont reveal her name...
who do you think you are? very clever arh? smart Alex! think you know everything...
my care now turn to hate... don't ask me why because i don't know why too? but if you want to continue like that, go ahead. I WON'T CARE!

angel:I MISS YOU!

Lord, tell me what is bothering me?
i feeling so frustrated right now.
am i giving him a chance?

i realise i there are alot of silent readers reading my blog

this post is dedicated to my dearest bestie... and of course those who are reading this too.

"THERE WILL BE A DAY"


Revelation 21:4 and he shall wipe away every tear from their eyes; and death shall be no more; neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain, any more: the first things are passed away.

Romans 8:18 For I reckon that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed to us-ward.

I try to hold on to this world with everything I have
But I feel the weight of what it brings, and the hurt that tries to grab
The many trials that seem to never end, His word declares this truth
That we will enter in this rest with wonders a new

But I hold on to this hope and the promise that He brings
That there will be a place with no more suffering

Chorus
There will be a day with no more tears, no more pain, and no more fears
There will be a day when the burdens of this place, will be no more, we’ll see Jesus face to face
But until that day, we’ll hold on to you always

I know the journey seems so long
You feel you’re walking on your own
But there has never been a step
Where you’ve walked out all alone

Troubled soul don’t lose your heart
Cause joy and peace he brings
And the beauty that’s in store
Outweighs the hurt of life’s sting

I cant wait until that day where the very one I’ve lived for always will wipe away
the sorrow that I’ve faced
To touch the scars that rescued me from a life
of shame and misery this is why this is why I sing

"Everybody's Fool"


perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask
where will you hide
can't find yourself
lost in your lie
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
it never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool

YOU made me feel like a bloody fool. and YOU don't even know you are the one. there's no meaning anymore. no more meaning to live. I was doing fine before you came! so stop acting like you are a BIG hero. cos you are the BIGGEST LOSER I EVER SEEN!!!

came across a website called 'sexinchrist'. and the website encouraged different kind of sexs before marriage! like WTF sia! what are you trying to teach? its okay to have sex, just dont knot up a girl?! and what... using those 'increase you penis size' pills are also okay? the person who wrote the website is like compromising!

lol, i freaking pissed now... not only because of the website but also because of that person above, another person stood me up AGAIN. i repeat AGAIN! such a bitch!!! you know who you are... i may act like i'm fine with it but remember that it is your 5time!!! BITCH man... i will know whether we are friends anot if u do it again...

Do not let anyone look down on you because you are young, but be an example for other believers in your speech, behavior, love, faithfulness, and purity.
1 timothy 4:12

Take me past the outer courts
Into the Holy Place
Past the brazen altar
Lord I want to see your face
Pass me by the crowds of people
And the Priests who sing your praise
I hunger and thirst for your righteousness
But it's only found in one place

[Chorus:] Take me into the holy of holies
Take me in by the blood of the lamb
Take me into the holy of holies
Take the coal, touch my lips, here I am

my childhood nightmares are coming back again!
i used to call it the dream monster...
yea yea, go on and laugh.

i dreamt that my parents divorce or died suddenly
i dreamt that i have to retake my piano exam over and over again. (i cried)
i dreamt of my grandparents coming to take me with them. (way creepy!)
i dreamt i loss someone really special to me in an accident. (will not tell the name)
i dreamt i killed my father. (OMG!)
i dreamt that i was abused, physically.

hmmmm, i think i think too much.

i never thought of this until today.
don't ask me why i thought of it.
i just did.
is anyone afraid of death?
afraid of walking the green mile?
i know i am.
i hate pain, hate parting with my loved ones.
but what if one day you found out:
you are dying...
at this very moment, every second is passing so quickly,
what would you do?
how would you live the remaining of your life then?
optimistically or pessimistically?
would you cry your heart out, and drown into self-pity, thinking that you are the unlucky one?
or laugh at others who are worst off then you?
what did jesus did when he knew his time on Earth was coming to an end?
he prayed...... for us.
such selfless love...

Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to me
Happy Birthday to meeeee...
Happy Birthday to me!

finally, i am legal to say im really 14 not just going 14...
i have grown a year older.
learn alot a things through pain and happiness , even though i know i still got more to learn.
a friend once told me happiness shared is doubled while sorrow shared is halved.
i really happy to know i could shared both my happiness and sorrow with my friends and loved ones.
i always thought, if i could rewind time. i could make amendments to those mistakes.
but i worry, if i take away those pain, would i lost those life lessons and happiness too?
i wouldn't be who i am today...
so i appreciate every one of the pain as well as happiness.

anyway, i thank those who wish me happy birthday be it through sms, personally, facebook.... anything, thanks for remembering...

thank you Lord, for showing me that i still have feelings for my brother. i still love him as my brother of course. i should have forgiven him a long time ago. but i held grudged which sour our relationship. Lord if this grudge is not from you, please take it away...

see what i got for my b'day:

from my kor, didn't expect him to give me anything. somemore is using his own money, so sweet of him.


from my mother, a hoodie


phone keychain from keith.:)


watch from limxi, ivy, grace.


a cross necklace from mum.


from ivy, limxi, grace. thankies...


new sport shoe from my dear mum...

New school shoe because of sec2 camp, repainting my room, new skinny jeans, a shoe my sis painted for me... (lazy to upload the pics)

i had fun yesterday. i honestly did. eating pancake of course. though my b'day treat maybe small, but its the thought that counts right.:] Thanks guys!!!

i told myself to forget you. but i'm still giving you 2 more days. i promise my mum and dad i would forget about you, but it is just too hard. in the dark, i still continued to talk to you. but no more, i know i have to let go. what this friend of mine said is right, if i think you are already good enough but God doesn't think you are the best choice, that means there is someone else better for me. and why do i continue to forgive you and say you will change when 23hours and day you are hurting me?

I decided to not upload the photos on 2e1 chalet cos most of them are already loaded in facebook.

on thursday, went to taka with minmin and ASM jiejie. walk walk walk and talk talk talk. oh i almost forgot, eat eat eat. nothing much cos everything was super ultra expensive except for books. but they are considered expensive. anyway, i bought a book:A walk to remember. its really a nice story BUT... i broke after i bought that book. sad:( then we 'camp' in james house. watch tv and more tv. honestly, i dont their parents actually like us(their mum to be exact) but anyway, i dont really care...

today went to school to look for Mrs VJ but she was in a meeting so wait and wait and wait. grace said i got into a smarty pants class.3E3 which i dont think it is a good thing. i have my reasons for saying so... i'm so gonna miss 2e1 alot. every single one of them. why cant we stay in the same class but have different subject since it is homeroom system anyway? GRACE and JOANNA! why your not in 3e3!!! im so gonna miss your the most!!!

perhaps, it is the Lord's plan. his will is different from what i wanted, but i know god does such things so that it will benefit all of us. I trust in you Lord.

God, help grace understand why you gave her biology, help her overcome her fear. for only you know what is best for her.
God, also help ivy. her close friends are all in 3e1, but i know that you made this arrangement so it will benefit her close friends and herself. even though she may not believe and trust your ways, please guide her.

very very tired right now but i really enjoyed myself ;D
if you ask why am i so tired, maybe it is because i went for 2 chalets on the same day.
1 for OCC b'day and the other was for me, lol, just kidding, it was 2e1 chalet.
but 2e1 was very sweet, celebrated fengling and my b'day+LimXi(if only if you didn't leave so early)
fengling, please thank your mum for me for the wonderful cake even though most were thrown at each other. hehe.
i think i got smashed on the face with the cake like 5 TIMES!
BBQ was really not bad, i did not have to lift a finger because the guys helped with the BBQing.
now who said guys can't cook, or at least BBQ? NOT ME...
i didn't know guys could be so Friendly, they wished us b'day girls happy birthday and shook our hands. i mean, i really, honestly, didn't expect that from them. so ya, thanks guys. you're sweet!
i went to the beach with Adelle and Jinyee because i didn't feel like cycling.
camwhoring is FUN! p.s. we are not the excessive type...
the Sun was..... how to put it..... disappearing?
it drizzled so we had to find shelter. and we saw i couple kissing. awww, so sweet. hahas, i know, i'm a busybody.

photos will be uploaded soon, i think...
btw, if anyone wanna buy log cake, pls tell me because my cousin is selling them.

why????????????????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
why God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i don't get it!!!!!!!!!
i want chem and bio but why give me chem and physics!!!!!!
now i have to go to school to get my results!!!
sigh................

Falling on my knees in worship
Giving all I am to seek your face
Lord all I am is yours

My whole life
I place in your hands
God of Mercy
Humbled I bow down
In your presence at your throne

I called you answered
And you came to my rescue and I
I wanna be where you are

In my life be lifted high
In our world be lifted high
In our love be lifted high
~the end~

hahas, you are so old now!!! jkjk...
1 more week to mine hehe :P

beholding Your beauty is all that i long for
to worship You Jesus is my soul desire
for this very heart You have shaped me Your pleasure
purpose to lift Your name high

hear and surrender in pure adoration
i enter Your courts with an offering of praise
i am Your servant come to bring You glory
as is fit for the work of Your hands

now unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
be glory and honor and praise
all of creation resounds with the song
worship and praise Him the Lord of lords

the spirit now living and dwelling within me
keep my eyes fixed ever on Jesus' face
let not the things of this world ever sway me
i will run 'till i finish the race

singing unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
be glory and honor and praise
all of creation resounds with the song
worship and praise the Lord
now unto the Lamb who sits on the throne
be glory and honor and praise
all of eternity echoes the song
worship and praise Him the Lord of lords

Holy Lord
You are Holy
Jesus Christ is the Lord
singing, Holy Lord
You are Holy
Jesus Christ is the Lord

Teach me Lord, to walk the path you want me to walk. for you are the light of my path.

Love can make you smile but it can also make you cry.
Yet why do many of us are willing to take the risk, to plunge further into the stream of love, knowing that we would drown with sorrows?
Maybe because this is the power of love.
I will be contented, even if i cry the whole night, just to spent my time with you.

3 more days to battle!!!

Oh Lord, please give me the strength to face my enemy with much joy and peace so that i may conquer my enemy in the name of the Lord.
i will give praise not matter what the outcome is.
Amen!

today went to watch HSM3 with Grace, Ivy and Limxi. it was super nice pls!
and it was so touching, i cried. hahas. i'm pathetic!
i also got my piercing already. i LOVED it! addicted to piercing now...
i will post the photos on another day.

what's done cannot be undone
for there is no U-turn except divine intervention
i'm brought to an inevitable truth that you will always be with me
for you light my darkness and brought me back to you again
Your love, none can fathom
you let me trade my pieces for your peace
renewing my broken heart and making it whole again
i pray O LORD, that you will touch his heart
just like you touched mine
for he mean so dearly to me...

Sorry guys, no more cbox so if you want to comment, please click on the comment link at the bottom of each post. and please continue to tag! thanks

i deleted some post because of some specific reason...
going to camp tmr so i will not be blogging anytime soon.

broken heart in maintainance

everyone needs a second chance, some are given, some don't have that chance. however, the worse thing is not not being given a chance, but not repenting when many chances are already given.

cg really hit hard on me. Making me reflect on my foolish actions and foolish thoughts. the heart no matter what cannot be filled with love through sex, materialistic things. only God can feel this emptiness in me. and i seriously need to stop acting like the world just revolves around me. so selfish, i know! what minsi said is right, my parents care for me. so i really need to show them respect and stop neglecting them. Friends=Love! i never doubt this 'equation'.

Stronger
There is love that came for us
Humbled to a sinner's cross you broke my shame and sinfuless you rose again victorious

Faithfulness none can deny through the strom and through the fire there is truth that sets me free Jesus Christ who lives in me

Chorus
You are stronger you are stronger
Sin is broken you have saved me it is written Christ is risen Jesus you are Lord of all

No beginning and no end You're my hope and my defence you came to seek and save the lost you paid it all upon the cross

So let your name be lifted higher
Be lifted higher be lifted higher

Love is patient,love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trust, always hopes, always perserves.

everything would change for the better, i have faith it would...

exams are almost over. i'm so happy.

some actions done and irreversible and has it own consequences... how much someone really want a change really depend on that person himself.

thats all i will say right now. tatazz

must be happy!

okay, i shall write something positive since my post are getting really really negative.
firstly, i passed my piano exam with a merit. yeah, that was super good news cause i thought i was going to fail, made lots of mistakes. but thank God for it.
secondly, i flunk english test. yeah well thats not good news but i don't know why i still feel so happy after receiving my results. i was laughing like a hyena in class. thats bad...
thirdly, i just realised exams are starting this friday, so yeah, good luck to me. "but i have faith everything will work out in the end..." sounds familar grace?

1 more month to holiday, ewww, i can't wait!

oh, 1 more thing. mdm Teo found out something that is happening to me. thats bad. later tell mdm ang and mdm ang tell my parents. ewww, this spells D.I.S.A.S.T.E.R.!.

argh!!!!!!!!!!!! super stress by test and exams. i scared i would fail again.

help! im drowning in self-despair!

Only you Lord, that i can draw strength from to overcome my enemies.

im wondering... can i commit again? i broke my first commitment to God when i started hating myself by doing things i shouldn't do even though i know its wrong. will i break this one too. i really think i would. i guess i can't commit. but i have to try.

hi all! I'm back from the wake. so exhausting...
anyway, i will be going back to school tomorrow, no choice, but I'm kind of missing school so going back to school won't be so bad. 3 days of self-declared holiday sia!
i didn't sleep well for the past few nights because of the wake so i have panda eyes... argh!
Dear Lord, during the past few nights at the playground alone, i felt a sense of emptiness, guilt, and sadness. i can't help but bottle up these feelings. Lord, please reveal to me whats making me feel this way?

sooo let's see. i woke up at 1+ today, i know there was school but i self-declared holiday. have to go back school tmr because the school called my mum ask her why i never go to school. damn the school! need to finish my stupid english comprehension today. wonder if i can don't go school on wed, so tue i bunk in someone house.

term 4 is my last leg of the race, so i have to fight on be it life or school.

i want to say sorry to all those who i vented my anger on, though i won't say it is the last but thanks for just bearing with it even though you know it hurts you.

enough said, i shall end my post here...

bye grandpa...i will miss you. we are all happy for you. you're safe in God's hands.

blame myself for all the pathetic problems. can't believe but it's true... everything is happening because of my desire to have more and more. whether is it greed for acceptance, love, friendship, attention, all these desire just comes from wanting more and not cherishing on what i already have. thanks van. you are a really good listener and adviser too!
"most people give and get but never really put it to good use. they are called advises" i really got to think of what all of your said to me and put it to use.

Freedom is given to those who believe in you. Freedom from the burden of our sins. Sins that are much too heavy for us to carry on our own. Take it God, take my sins away, take it all...

2 songs that speak to me: Here in my life, Take it all
Here in my life


Take it all

mighty to save

went to macs to study and do homework. grace, limxi, benedict were there. i manage to finish 2 maths papes. WOAH OH! still left a lot more but at least i did some...

sorry grace, i was being self-centred. i really didn't know. though you don't hold against me and your not angry with me but i just feel guilty. you cared sooo much about your parents which really touched me. really...

somehow the world is passing so quickly that i feel im left behind... went to visit my Ahgong and he look so sickly. there was nothing much i could do and even if i could do something for him, im not sure if i would do it for him. holiday for one week doesn't seem like a holiday to me. it's just a week for mer to recharge before term 4 starts. sometimes i really just want to disappear and go for some retreat away from everything and just come before God. tmr got to go sch, thurs going out with van to orchard which i have no idea where is it and im not joking, seriously. hope to meet shu, cat, limxi, grace during the holidays but it doesn't seem like there is enough time for anything especially when you are pilled up with homework that is waiting for you to be done.

somehow i seem to be becoming more emo again... haix

there is nothing much i can say now. lets just says i made yet another terrible decision that i can never undo it ever again. why do i always take the wrong path. "give Satan an inch and he will become a ruler" heard it sooo many times yet never put it to use... I'm such an IDIOT! all those lies and deception! Oh Daddy, i'm lost! please bring me back, daddy. i don't want to drift further and further away from you. the greatest gift that you gaves me was salvation yet i treat it like an white elephant. i simply hate the way i am now. my tongue is full of lies, my eyes has seens too much, my mouth said things that harm people, my ears believed what the world is trying to tell me yet i question what you are trying to tell me, my hands are dirty, full of sins cause by greed, my spirit is longing for your holy spirit to be filled again, my body is far to shameful to be forgiven by you. i want you yet i also don't want you. i'm so confused!





God loves you!
In the quiet, love is reaching.
It's yours to hold,
Be still and know that
Even when you're lost and lonely,
And hope is gone, you're not alone.

Far beyond the understanding,
There's a hand that leads,
If you believe.

Through the darkness, see the light.
Remember God loves you.

The road ahead is long and winding.
With eyes of faith, you'll find the way, yeah.
And when the journey leaves you weary,
You can rest in the comfort of heaven's arms -
Sweet loving arms.

And peace will follow.
Peace be with you always,
As you go.
For now you know that...

Through the darkness, there's a light.
Remember God loves you.

When you open up your heart,
His love will meet you where you are.
He will always be a part of everything you do.
He is here to set you free,
And give you all the strength you need
To carry on, to carry on.

Through the darkness, see the light.
Remember God loves you. (remember, remember)
Remember God loves you.

F this piano exam lar. sooo screwed!!!
scales: was suppose to be my best(cough cough) i played B minor 6TIMES but still got it wrong!
pieces: do i need to say more...
sight reading: seems better than i thought
Aural: haha! i played a fool of myself in front of the examiner!

soooo... hmmm... thank God it's over? i really really hope i pass because i suffer again by retaking never mind lar but my mum? she is paying for ti and i really don't want her money go to waste. ARGH! what to do! bloody hell!

haix... i think i broke a lot of people's heart with my actions. i didn't meant to do it on purpose. its just... just that i wanted to be noticed, to feel that i'm good at doing something, i wanted to know whether people actually cared for me but i didn't mean to hurt anyone...

God help me to change. help me to find the way back to you again. light the path you want me to follow. i know that all i did may not please you but you still forgive me and want me to change for the better.

tmr will be my piano exam. i quite scared actually and im feeling really sick right now. oh God,please help me. i cast this burden onto you Lord.

my life sucks to the core.
don't say sorry cause you're not
i hate it that you make me feel so 'loved' one day and the next day you treat it like nothing happened. you just tore apart my heart when you left me. like so self-centred of you!

i trying my best to put up a strong me but im on the verge of breaking down already. i feel pathetic that i have NO ONE to tell my feelings to especially YOU who i already told to but you're just so fucking lousy to understand me.

Mirabel! you're such a coward! such a goody-two-shoes too afraid of breaking rules! i feel so weak compared to them. not fair!

i attempted to steal again. but i just cant! why?!

common test is now over! yay!!
piano exam is so near now and i seriously am not prepared.
2 more weeks to end of term 3
5 more weeks to start of term 4 exam. haix
waiting for tue to come so i can get my phone back... i realised i actually dependent on my phone. thats bad
23 this month: the cambodia meeting. dont know whether im prepared.


sigh.. i dont know whats got into me this few days. i have terrible mood swings! i can cry and laugh at the same time. gosh...

and i also dont know why but i can't seem to like CG or church or Bible study anymore. it feels like im trying to walk away from God. trying to control my own life.

i also realised im cant be a bad girl. yes i know it sounds weird but when i break some rules and get caught, i feel so bad and guilty.

Some people say: Good girls are bad girls that don't get caught. i find this saying very evidently true...

i feel my life is a lie.i feel that every single thing i do now is a dream or a nightmare and im just waiting for my dream or nightmare to be over.

and im back to square 1. i can't do it. i can't it give up. im still the same old me at the beginning of term 3.

sometimes i just wished that i have someone who will be there for me in every step i take. someone who is real, someone i can put my trust to, someone who can lend me a listening ear. am i that bad compared to my friends. i feel so inferior when i see them together. it makes me feel like im different, there is something wrong with me that people can't accept.

few days ago, i almost got caught stealing. thanks to grace, im still here. i really really really seriously want to get piercing! oh and a im really getting used to slitting already. i dont know but i find it kind of fun. smack me on my face if you want, i dont care. its like a painkiller. and it works. how cool its that.

Hello people! sorry haven't been posting recently cause com broke down(note to self: not that anyone cares or so) so yeah, weeks past i think. and yet another 'typhoon' came again. i really don't want to care anymore. so frustrating! Thanks to Grace, Joanna,Yin Anne,Praise,Joey for lending a listening ear in times of need.
It's so embarrassing last week cause i cried in class. don't ask why cause there are MANY reasons...

lets do a count down shall we?
1)history common test(this Tuesday)
2)literature(this Wednesday)
3)science(this Thursday)
4)D&T(this Friday)
5)piano exam(15 days from now!)

all this is fucking bullshit. for your info: the F word is used as an ! instead of you know what. I'm not even prepared for any of the test cause i can't switch to study mode. disappointment! bye bye scholarships... no point working hard now cause it wouldn't make a difference unless of course God want to pull me out of this 'chicken nugget' situation then perhaps there may be HOPE! school exam is bad enough but now PIANO EXAM! arghhhhh! i'm not even prepared! and who is there to share my burdens? don't state God because he is right now LAUGHING at me because i got myself into such mess... my mum is going to be sooo mad at me! i'm guessing the worst scenario is that she will come chasing after me with a cane not that is will change anything, so i would run out of the house not coming back until midnight... well at least i know whats is going to happen so i suppose i am going to 'pack my bag' soon... LOLS

i wanna get more earholes and maybe pierce my belly button too! that would be so cool! can't wait to look at my mum and dad reaction when they see me having extra piercing. it will be priceless! hahaaa.
yes yes i know what you are thinking, you are saying i'm a attention seeker. so what?! it's not like they care about my presence anyway! they don't see my burn marks, my scars on my hand, my tears when i cry!

don't force me to go for sunday school! there are many reasons why i don't want to go so stop forcing me...
i ran out of $$$ and i am craving for a chocolate bar right now...... sigh my hands are itching...give me time, i will prove i'm more than what you think i am...

the reason

if there is one thing i regret doing, it would be to hurt you...
im sorry! i can't change... i dont have the strength to change!

to my angel who i always take for granted: knowing that you cared for me and continued praying for me, i just have one word to say... im sorry! i thought you were trying to be ignorant to my cries but i realised you are the one in my life that cared the most for me. hearing what you said to me made me cry...

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you

the joy of their smile!

never expected today to be the best day of the week. school was per normal but after school i had to do my IPW at Da Qiao Primary School. was super dreading it because we had to commit our service for 6 months but never did i expect myself to enjoy it. i guess it was the smile on their faces that made me realised why am i doing this for. Celine my buddy! i love her! haha so cute! it feels great to volunteer our time to help those kids. it all worth while after all....

A lesson i need to learn

whats the difference between being alone and the feeling of loneliness?
i guess feeling lonely is a choice that i could choose. being alone is an inevitable situation that everyone experience.
the same way being happy is a choice. i could be happy in times of difficult situation or i could sit there and cry and be moody just because things doesn't go my way.
looking at it from this angle, it seems stupid to be sad when we could be happy but i never fail to choose the second option.

oh cant believe that im missing my kor kor. haha so weird. i was wishing he would quickly go NS a few days ago then now i want him to come back home soon.

mask of my life

arghhh! i feel so sick right now. having a fever as well as sore throat and flu. so sick sick sick. don't wanna go school tomorrow cos got to go for IPW. and i'm so stress because we got to do IPW presentation.

God, i just wanna find rest in you. i feel physically, emotionally and spiritually weak. only you God can bring peace to my heart. i wanna be like the song still and know you're God.

i'm having a mix feeling now. feel kidda sad because i'm lost at who am i. finding my identity isn't very easy and Grace and Ivy says i'm putting on a mask. they describe me as a locked book with the keys thrown away. having to call the locksmith to actually get to unlock me so they could know me. i would some what agree with them cos people who don't know me very well would not know how to describe me much less describe my personality. but if they manage to "unlock me" they would completely see a whole new different side of me. do you count this as a mask or part of a person character. how i wish i could be just like i was before.

i really miss the time we spent together but was is past is past and i have to let go......

quiz

1.What is the connection between you and the last person who called you?
grace: sec friend GLIMB clique

2.Did you ever turn off your hand phone?
yar, when I'm watching a movie but sometimes my phone just turn off by itself

3.What happened at 10am today?
travelling to meet some friends to go ice-skating

4.When did you last cry?
few days ago when i started remembering those things that hurt me

5.What is your favourite thing to eat with peanut butter?
bread with peanut butter

6.What do you want in your life right now?
Anything thats God wants to use in my life. i cant decide my path for my path in life is already decided by God and he knows the best for me. maybe all i ask in my life is being in God presense and the feeling of being cared by my loved ones

7. Do you carry your umbrella out when it rains, or do you just put on your hoodie?
carry an umbrella if i remember to bring it out

8.What is your favourite thing to put on your bed?
my mini pillow which have been around me still i was 0 years old

9.What bottoms are you wearing now?
FBT shorts

10.what does the nicest text in your inbox says?
soo many people type nice text to me i shall list all of them haha!
from james:1) all things come from our heavenly father. i was blessed to bless others.2)be happy everyday!hugz!
from Joanne:1)If you ever need to chat again, i'll be here k? Ha we can find the pick up van again:)God bless ya!2)keeping you in thoughts and prayers. God is our refuge and strenght. Run to him and rest in him.
Issac: 1)"humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on himbecause He cares for you." 1 Peter5:6-7
Ivy: 1) just remember you always have me to lean on.

11.Do you tend to make relationships complicated?
no i would just want a simple relationship

12.Are you wearing something that you borrowed from someone?
right now, no

13.What was the last movie you last caught?
get smart, brings back some tears and joy

14.What are you proud of?
being a christian as a CGPC youth

15.What does the oldest text message in your inbox says?
thats a funny question, i was tagging myself haha...
msg: mirabel: welcome to my blogs where you will realise im taking to myself

16.What is the last song you sang out loud?
i see grace

17.Do you have any nice names?
BEL

18.When was the last receive text message?
11.38am this morning

19.What time did you go to bed last night?
11am i think

20.Are you currently happy?
quite happy ;D todays iceskating was fun!

21.Who gives you the best advice?
me! no lar i guess it would be Ivy,Limxi,Grace(more of encouragement) James,Joanne,Issac,Ms Loh,Vanessa(aiya almost all my church youth gives me gd advices lar)

22.Do you eat whipped cream straight away from the can?
yup~ duhhhh the whipped cream is on top of course eat that first lar

23.Who did you talk on phone last night?
My mum and piano teacher

24.Is anything bugging you right now?
defnitely

25.What's bugging you right now?
friendship,family, my problematic attitude, myself,and last but not least my sin

26.Do you wear toe socks?
no found it quite disgusting yet cute at the same time

27.Who was the last person you last had a missed call from?
Grace haha 7times

28.Have you ever had your heartbroken?
yup in friendship, family, relationship

29.What annoys you most in a person?
someone who gossip and insult people and have irritating fringe

30.Do you have a crush on anyone?
duhhh yes of course

31.Have you ever done cocaine?
nope but i've done smoking(quit already hor) does that count

32.What is the colour of your room?
blue, green, yellow but i want it to be purple & pink

33.Would you kill someone you hate for a million dollars?
when someone is put under temptation, they may go for the one that benifits themselves or the easy way out but the bible states thou shall not kill and i don't want to live my life in guilt because i killed someone

34.Do you believe in the saying "talk is cheap"?
meaning? dont understand but i know faith without deed is dead

35.Who was the last person who lay in your bed?
don't remember my cousin Marion?

36.Who was the last person who hugged you?
ivy! we hugged each other as we were about to fall during ice skating

37.What is your definition of love?
wanting each other to have the best and be happy

38.Do you have a life?
what to you mean by that? my life is dancing for God

39.Have you ever think someone died,when they really didn't?
yup in my dreams and it really freak me out that i started crying in my dreams

40.What is the reason behind your profile song?
because it brings peace to my heart

41.Who was the last person you saw in your dreams?
can't remember but i know i dream of everyone in my dreams at least once

42.Last time I smiled?
just now when i fell on the ice sooo many times that my butt is wet

43.Have you ever change this year?
yup became less studious haha erm oh and more emotional

44.What are you listening to right now?
i could sing of your love forever

45.Are you talking to someone doing this?
nope not chatting to anyone at the moment

46.Do you walk with your eyes opened or closed?
95% of the time opened but sometimes when im tired i would just close my eyes for a few seconds

48.Do you want someone you can't have?
yup i want everyone whom i close with to be with me forever but i know thats not possible

49.Have you ever played an instrument?
the piano, keyboard, drums, violin, angklung, recorder

50.What is the worst idea you have this week?
none not regreting any ideas i had this week

51.What are you doing last night 11.00p.m?
erm sleeping haha

52.Are you happy with your love life?
yup. i'm being loved by everyone who cares for me espcially God

53.What song do you describe your love life?
any christian song could describe my love life just depends on the situation

54.What do you think of the person who tagged you?
my energizer who easily makes me smile because her favourite thing to do during her past time is to smile

55.Who always make you laugh?
lots of people Marion, Grace, Limxi, Ivy, Benedict, James, Joanne, Vanessa, Issac, Minmin, JiaHui, Caroline, Yuan Huey, Charlene, Christie, Keith, Adrain(yes yes i know i only met Keith,Adrain once but they still make me smile what), Shuying, Francine, Adelle

56.Do you speak other language other than English?
Chinese but really really basic chinese and little thai

57.Are you blond?
nope i'm happy that my hair colour which is brown and i like it the way it is already

58.What's your full name?
Jiang WanLin Mirabel

59.What are you doing tomorrow?
going to bukit timah nature reserve.

60.What do you think you are like?
a person who likes to giggle alot(spread the love of giggles!) and like to listen to others problems lending them a listening ear and just to be there for them with moral support

61.Who do you chose to die with?
with people i love

62.Where have you been today?
ice skating in jurong entertainment centre

63.What do you play often?
volleyball or dance

64.Who are you missing right now?
My school mates Glimb, Caroline and church mates

65.If you are given a choice between LOVE & FRIENDSHIP, which will you choose?
Love because i wouldnt mind spenting my time with my "more than just friend" guy

66.What are you doing right now?
blogging and listening to music

67.Which primary school are you from?
Parry Primary School

68.Name 3 colours you like.
Purple, Pink, Baby blue

69.What emotion you like to show?
giggling emotion

70.What is life to you?
a place for us to find out what are we going to serve in eternity for God and a place to spread the gospel

71.If you have something troubling you, what will you do?
cry i really want to cry with someone with me but sadly no one is around me when i really need someone to cry on

72.Who did you last chat in msn?
Grace

73.Who do you admire the most?
God(idolised)

74.Which month are you born in?
november

75.How are you feeling right now?
Joyful

76.What is the time now?
6.44pm

77.Where are you now?
home

78.What colour did you use to dye your hair?
i dont want to dye my hair like it the way it is

79.Why are you doing this test?
because i have been asked to and i really like to do test like this

80.What do you do when you're moody?
cry or just space out

81.At what age do you plan to get married?
2 years after i graduated from uni estimated: 24

82.Who is more important to you now, boyfriend or friends?
Friends not ready to get into another relationship yet

83.Do you think you have enough confidence?
no still finding my identify but i still have plenty of time

84.who is the person you trust most?
God, everyone will fail me but not God

85.Will you love your crush/boyfriend forever?
yar if its a steady relationship

86.If you ever have a dream come true, what would it be?
the have a job thats not desk bound and the job would benifit the community

87.What is your goal for this year?
to get scholarship so that i could pay for the trip to Cambodia. i wanna be independent to pay for my own stuff

88.Do you believe in eternity love?
whats thats? yes i guess

89.What feeling do you love most?
being love and being cared for

90.What will you do if smiling didnt exist?


91.What feeling do u hate the most?
feeling sick

92.Do you cherish every single friendship of yours?
i used to take what i had for granted and not know until i lose them so now im not taking any chances in losing them

93.Do you believe in God?
yes. God lives!

94.Who cares for you most?
God and my loved ones

95.What do you think are the most important things in your life?
God, friendship, dancing, music

96.What will you bring when you fight?
nothing fight with my bare hands if not, run away! haha

97.Will you ever do something that will break the rule for your boyfriend?
depends on situation.hehe

98.Who is the person who sent you the most messages in your inbox?
James

99.What if your stead two-timed you?
is stead a word? i don't think i found it in the dictionary. if he two-timed me, i would first slap him(haha violent) and then break up with him.

100.What is you favourite hobby?
dancing, volleyball, tennis, playing musical instrument,swimming, iceskating

instructions: remove one question from the above and replace with a personal question of yours. Then, bold it . Next, list 10 person whom you want them to do this at the end of the post. Notify them in their tagboard or tell them at msn so that he/she knows.

1.Shuying
2.Francine
3.Adelle
4.Jaslyn
5.Ivy
6.anyone
7.anyone
8.anyone
9.anyone
10.anyone

im joyful in spirit!

this would be like my happiest post in weeks...
feel so happy and joyful and i don't even know why?
i've been feeling happy and hyper since yesterday CG.
let just say everything is falling back to place.
weeeeeeeeeeee! so hyper!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
haha... im joyful in spirit!
to add on to the enjoyment, there is no school on monday! yay!!!! and techers didn't give homework so im super free. well, not completely free... i have IPW presentation waiting for me to be completed so must JYJY!

>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>

i guess im happier because im letting it go. what they said is right. not everything is in my control and i have to be happy so that others will not think im being unfriendly. every fight takes two hands to clap and i do have one person to depend on when i sad or lonely or scared... he is none other than GOD!
you GOD make me see the light.... and no one else can do this other than you...

i know your have been there for me in times of need and your will still be there for me in the future... just wanna say a big fat thank you! =D

hurted!

lost in the world full of lies, deception and betrayer.........
don't make promises you can't fulfill.
cos you end up hurting somebody.

why is it so hard to think for others rather than yourself?
humans are just so self-centred...

why is it so hard to give than to receive?
humans are just so self-centred...

why is it that we put so much faith in others even though you know they will fail you?
that's just plain stupidity...

today was youth service and it was awesome!
it may not be the best worship in the whole world but what matters most is that our heavenly father appreciates that we used the talents he gave us to minister to others as well as bless others. it was extremely fun to say the least.
i nearly cried when the blind pastor was singing "A New You" well actually i did cry(one two drops). the song very like ministering to me. so true... God's love is everlasting...

anyways, thanks ivy, grace and limxi(glimb family) for being with me in times of need. giving me encouragement cards and all... church mates too!

Oh Lord, why can't i fathom?

i guess its time to move on...
time to say goodbye...
thanks for all the time we spent together...
truly means alot to me...

Oh Lord, i don't have the strength..
I'm not willing to give it up.
life just so weird (i contradict myself alot)

i miss the mini church camp alot! school starting tomorrow and i am not even excited. whats worse? i can't lock into MSN. arghhhh!

i learnt something that i won't learn else where.
i'm such a coward.
always trying to run away from my problems
i'm scared to face it.

i feel i'm becoming more and more depressed.
so easily affected by stuff around me
and i feel im such a trouble to others.

in this world i'm in,
i feel so scared and lost.
not sure which direction and who to turn to

i depend too much on others.
i ask alot from them
always wanting them to be there for me
but they are only human
and they can never always be there for me.

so i decided not to tell them my problems.
scared that they find me a nuisance
and that they might despise me for it

God feels very far right now
it feels like his is 1 minute here and another minute gone

i craving for love that God can give me
but i dont feel it anymore.
my parents don't even feel anything wrong with me
and so do my friend
they can never give me the love i want

mum and dad fight alot nowadays
and i'm scared.
scared that i would lose 1 of them
i'm scared that if i tell them my problems,
it would cause them to fight more.

i feel like im losing my bestie
we seem that we are going separate ways
and i don't blame her
she might hate me because i was not talking to her clique
i guess its time to let go

i know that my church mates care
i can tell they want to know whats wrong
but i don't know how to explain this feeling
this feeling is indescribable

i cry alot nowadays
actually almost everyday
i can't smile anymore
i trying to bottle all of my fears and hurts up
but soon i'm going to explode
they say i'm more moody now
i can't help it

so i resort to slitting
seems to help alot though its short term
i know i used to say smoking is bad
but at certain time in life,
you can't help but say that smoking really does help
the taste of the cigarette feels bad
but not as bad as the hurt and fears i feel now
i know people will hate me for doing this
but i won't blame them for it

at the very least i'm trying to stop ____
catherine i think you know what that is

i'm praying that tomorrow will be a better day
so i could at least smile once

P.S. James i hope this answer your question on whats wrong

my promise to GOD

Jesus really is marvelous! he planned the path for me that i was uncertain where it will lead. I'm sorry God for being like Jonah. but your patience for me never run dry. your holy spirit gave me calling by calling to go. right now i know the path you brought me through was the right path for me. i saw something that i would never see in my comfort zone.

God i will change! i will change into a better person! please God give me more chance to do your work again, I'm sorry for rejecting so many of the chances you gave me because i was afraid. but i know that fear those not come from God. i want to Dance for you God. In the name of Jesus my injuries will heal and will never come again!

God please cleanse my mind my heart my body. i did things i should not have done or seen in the first place. i know it's morally wrong yet i still did those things. but God you knew i would do those things a long time ago yet you never forsake me for those thing i did. your love for me never change. please give me the strength to change the courage to admit and be a testimonial to others God.

mission trip!

yoo............. ppl! so I'm back from Thailand. was superduber fun!!! i don't really think it is a real mission trip because i only spent 4 days in the AHKA centre and 3of the days were travelling out of AHKA centre to visit villages and all. the next days we were in Bangkok....shopping!

1 June:
right after church we left to go to the airport. our destination was chiang rai. took the airplane with minmin is killer! she so scared because the plane was about to take off. tsk tsk... oh well minmin you still got 3 more flight to take so you can take your time to overcome your fear. okay? :] the flight was 3 hours so kexin, minmin and I played games the whole trip. made so much noise! ha ha! oh and guess what? our seats didn't have the button to allow you to lie back. so sad. reach chiang rai was about 9+ at night so the pastor drove his "truck" or "van" to sent us to AHKA centre. when we reach there Ah San Mei jiejie was there and we were also greeted by 4 huge dogs...how "lucky" we are. we went to our rooms wash up so slept. but minmin scared of the dark so she climb onto kexin bed but it was so squeezely so they spent on the floor. minmin whacks people in her sleep! BEWARE! Danger zone!

2 June:
we woke up at 6+ reaching 7 but do you know that the children there wakes up at 5 to read the BIBLE together and if any of them were caught by the pastor yawning they had to do press up(push up). so 40 students walk about 1km to school and those in secondary were driven to school in the pastor van. for us we were eating our breakfast. i still can't get use to eating rice for breakfast. then after that we set off to the different village. Pa Chi and Hua An village I think. we must go up the mountain to visit the village. the travelling was terrible. i can't imagine how the students always go up and down the mountain every week to attend church. tutored the children there. tough part, the homework was in Thai, fun part, i made new friends! yay for me!

3 June:
went to Big C shopping centre not sure whether it was today to shop. bought 1 shorts and 2 shirt. P.S. the stuff there is super cheap and nice. came back and had to prepare for tomorrow stuff. nothing much to talk about today.

4 June:
went to the school there. the children there are very polite. i love the children! they made me see how fortunate I am. some of those children don't have home to go back to during the holidays. anyway, kexin, minmin, and I taught the primary 1 and 2 colours. i really love to see the smiles on the children face. just a sticker would please them like every single problem was gone because of the sticker. they really very appreciate stuff that they have unlike us. so class the student had 1 hour of free time so "bu kun" asked me to play zero point with them. the girls are like superwoman! they could jump over the rope without touching it at the shoulder level. after that we walked home with them. we will be leaving today. so sad. i really wish to spent more time there, like 1 whole week serving God.

so this are the memorable days i spent in thailand with the children.
God please use me. i want to do more for you God!

well now I'm the airport using the free Internet for a few minutes. going to Thailand for a week from 1 to 7 June. please pray for the whole group safety.

just now i tripped over my mum bag and fell flat on the floor. so embarrasing. yes yes i know what you are thinking. if it's embarrasing then why and i still blogging it. well actually i don't even know why. just thought it is fun. so yar got to go soon. byebye...

yay! finally got a chance to go out with shuying. I'm not the one whose busy but she is. so went to the library cos don't want to spent too much money. P.S.i'm broke. so wanted to do my homework so went to look for the dictionary but i couldn't find. and yeah yeah shuying is much better at finding books alright. i borrowed a Thai book cos i was going to Thailand. thought i should get a head start. we talked alot about our past actually. like during our primary schools days what we usually do and how we first met. gosh i still remember what i first said that made us become the best of friends. yea well if you read the previous post, i was just vending our anger well not really anger just my frustration so please don't get too angry. okay? so after i borrowed my books we went to mac and ate green tea ice cream. very satisfying. yum yum! so after went to shuying house after that and played the guitar while shuying blogged. then did my homework(sort of) and went home. i spent a great afternoon with shuying talking about lots of stuff.
thanks shuying for always being there for me. i guess i was just i was overreacting but even if i was not, i will know you will always be there for me. i are the best friend i ever had:)

By The Power Of your Love








Lord i come to you
Let my heart be change,renewed
Flowing from the grace that i found in you
Lord i come to know
Weaknesses i see in me
Will be strip away
BY THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE

Hold me close
Let your love surround me
Bring me near
Draw me to your side
And as i wait
I rise up like the Eagle
And I will soar with you
Your spirit leads me on
BY THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE

Lord unveil my eyes
let me see you face to face
The knowledge of your love
As you live in me
Lord renew my mind
As your will unfolds in my life
In living everyday
BY THE POWER OF YOUR LOVE







1) i could love others because Jesus first love me
2) the only way to conquer hatred is by saying "i love you" to someone you hate

Lets all praise God in whatever situation you are in. because he is just like the story footprints. He's my strength. what about you?


One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

Daddy Jesus i feel abandoned
but through all that happened, i know who are my true friends...

Caroline(bestie who always stand beside me in difficult times and remembering all the times went we go out, we would also look for FOOD!!!)

shuying(BFF forever even though we are in different school, somehow i feel you're still right beside me. really miss the times we spent together)

grace(one of the only people who have this love to love others back just like Jesus did and i respect you for that + having you in GLIMB really made my life feel less miserable)

Catherine(the best cousin i ever had!! and i mean it. you really are one special person in my life, you make me smile and let me feel I'm not the only one with the problem)

minmin(its funny how God can put both of us together right. you speak to me in Chinese i speak to you in English though we still compromise. going to church isn't so bad when you are around because i really don't click well with others you can say I'm quiet)

Yanling(my best friend in sec one years. with you around during my sec one years i felt accepted. hope to see the yanling who is always an achiever again. life may get pretty rough at times but went i have friends like you, i don't feel lost anymore)

rocking sis(wow you might be wondering how your name end up here right. well to tell you the truth i find that you are really a good sis though we quarrel quite alot. tough times never last when we have an awesome God who stays with us forever)

LimXi(you're the weirdest girl i ever met and i think you're cool!!! my opinion though. a friend in need is a friend indeed.)

Ivy(life may seem really bad for you and i never doubt that but wat keeps me going is that i have a God that last forever. a friend i feel you are a ..... challenge. haha. its cool to have you as my friend because you made my life all spiced up!)

BUG(my "bro"! always advicing me about how to lead a christian life. a thousand thanks for always driving me home after cell i feel quite bad for that you know.)

wow i realise i like to write about all this inmy blog. all well.

lots of things happen this month. i think this month would be labelled "most tear drops month"

1) GLIMB was formed! though the tears i had was not sad tears but happiness. i don't want to say good-bye. i finally found someone in this world who cared for me even in struggles. i love you guys!

2) Exam month. i was mugging for the past 2 weeks for the exam. i thank jiahui and BUG(James) for helping me get A2 in science. amazing huh! last year i got from D7 to E8 for science but now i got my very first A2 in science in secondary school! also thank God for that.

3) Reveal it. i finally told my secret to my trusted cousin(Catherine) and i found out she and i are in the same boat. thank God for that not because she also had the same problem as me but because someone actually understood how i felt and this made me feel comforted.

4) unexpected incident. my god pa passed away on the day i finished exam. i felt so sad that i cried every time i see him in the coffin but i know i should be happy because now he is in paradise seating beside God. i felt that i had no obligation to cry because i wasn't very close to him and i didn't treat him like i should like just saying hello ah gong and bye bye ah gong. he treated me well, he bought my sibling and i MacDonald, provide education for my mum, treated all of us like his children even though he does not have children. god[pa was cremated on mother's day and i would say that was the worst mother's day ever but i know everything God has made a plan for it before hand. when he was cremated i felt this sense of not tears or anger but a sense of joy and freedom because i know god pa is in a better place now where there will be no tears,no death, and full of joy!

5) i think i tore my ligament again! it hurts really badly. but i know that God made me have this pain so that i would get plenty of rest. in a way, it's a good thing. though i know i cannot perform for cultural concert but its better to lose now than later in the future.

6) i gave up my seat for the England trip to ShuLe because i want to save my parents money. everyone say its a stupid decision. how about you God do you think i made a stupid decision. contradiction(P.S. you don't have to understand why i say that because that's between me and God)

7) i learn to play the guitar! so now i can play for cell group. yay me!!!

8) i just want to be loved or cared about. that's all i can ask for but instead, you kick me aside and was biased to my sis. only catherine cared maybe because she my cousin. how about you cous? will you care? but i know there only i and i person who is always beside me...God

9) grow up MIRABEL! think about others than yourself! just accept whatever you have!
remember what God said! honour your parents!

10) Results! so here are the results of God amazing Grace for me!!!
English: 65 B3, its not bad but i know where i went wrong. killer summary ask me write 130 words but how can! i wrote 200 words. yep i didn't type wrongly 200words. haha oh well~
Chinese: 52 C6, my happiest results though not the highest but at least i passed. so I'm not giving up and that's that~
Maths: 77 A1, i was shocked i tell you i thought i was going to fail my maths because of paper 2 but i thank God that all things is possible in Christ who strengthen me~
Science: 70 A2, three cheers for God, Jiahui,James and me! i was shocked! why? because i always fail science that's why~
Geography: 70 A2, a bit disappointing because this is my first A2 in geography in secondary school. my map reading pull me down but I'm still happy with the grade i got~
History: 69 B3, this is definitely disappointing! i screw up that's all i can say!~
Literature: 72 A2, yep my fault. why? i was getting to competitive to put it in a nicer term that the only way for me to listen to God again is that he had to put me down. it hurts okay God? but i know you are doing this for my own good~
Home Econ: 78.5 A1, i think home econ made everyone smile! i improved!!!

MEEE!RABELLE..................

cool website

28 words

Speed test

sry guys have not been updating.
I WENT ON A LONG HIATUS AND NOW IM BACK
thanks jaslyn for caring, it doesn't really matter now i guess

i feel stress yet relax. kinda weird right? but i think you get what i mean

things i like to do...
1) dance( i dont know but lately i like to dance to solemn,sad,emo,angry music but i still like to dance to christian music=)
2) music( i addicted to listening to music of different genre for like hours everyday. MUSIC IS LOVED=ANIME/CHRISTIAN/ANYTHING ELSE)
3) music instruments( im now picking up how to play the guitar. right now i know how to play piano,violin,drums,keyboard,does recorder count? thats about it. hope to get chance to play more in church)
4) sports( tennis,volleyball,swimming,baseball,archery,ice-skating etc....)
5) spreading gospel
6) encouraging and counselling people( that shall be my future job,phychology. if not i will take up mass communication and become a journalist)
7) composing music of my own( whether is it on computer or by instrument i still like composing)

exams are here and im still blogging. how great.
all the best to those having their exams including me!!!

Ren Jing is so unreasonable. does she think that all students who do not do well in previous tests will never improve. says "wo men xin li zhi dao wo men zou shen me" meaning she think we are cheating. i score very badly is terrible enough now she is implying we are cheating is totally unreasonable!!!

idoitic Louis anyhow do the chinese paper still score higher than me and he still going to take CLB than i worst lah...

today is so fun!!!
first lesson: P.E. ya i was not supposed to have P.E because of my leg but can't resist. P.E is so funnn!!! we played tennis. maybe after my leg heal i will pick up tennis.
second lesson: Doomsday lesson! run for your life!!! i think all of your should know what it means. played rubik cubes during chinese lesson and IM HOOKED ON IT! likke seriuosly hooked.
thrid lesson: english was okay i guess... learn bout blah blah blah...
LAST lesson of the DAY!!!: science ??? do you see the 3 BOLD question mark there? ya they represent me and science.

after school wanted to go top up my ez-link buy rubik cube and go home but no one want to go except for GRACIE so grace thought i go 7 eleven top up than go home but couldn't come into a decision so we stoned at the walkway for quite some time before going to AMKhub.

at busstop got 166 and 165 so wanted to hop on 166 but when we ran to the bus driver, heclose the door and drove away. like funny lar. so took 165 go HUB.

i bought my CUBE2by2 yay! but so loose i scared it will drop. then when to eat at MAC's thanks to grace for treating us again. and treating me the 2second time. so at the machine the same thing happen again. we took about 20mins to decide what to eat and persuading joey to eat with us.
talk alot at MAC's was so much funn! ate ice cream. i was getting sugar high!

went back to HUB window shopping.Joey bought a notepad from ARTBOX then talk and walk and talk and walk. then bought bubble tea. SHIT lar, im getting hooked on bubble tea already. better not drink for the next 2 wks. like real( no will power)
HAHA...

TOP UP card then ready to go home.

-funniest thing that happen to me was that i drop my water bottle in the drain with polluted water in it then i was like screaming like crazy over it in the public.
-second funning thing was that i was too sugar high that when want TOP UP card, i saw queue so long than i wanted to go MRT to top up but then grace ask me what is CARD REPLACEMENT OFFICE so i dont know what i was thinking and i shouted to the counter "EXCUSE ME..." then everyone look at me as though im some weirdo. HAHA... so funn want to do that again! hehe

later have cell group
God you made me realised a few thing today
1) you gave me the courage to speak up like i was before
2) you made me realised how fortunate i am to have friends like Grace, Joey, Ivy, Jia Hui, Yin Anne, Shuying and many more...)
3) you made we realised that i hated a person for nth as all the anger is boilling inside me but the person already forget about the incident and im just hurting myself even more.
4) my enemy has turn to my friend
5) i feel happier now after what had happened the past few days that no one could understand my feelings except you
6) your love is so great that sometimes i take your love for granted
7) thank you for forgiving my sins and helping me to change to a better Godly person than what i was before
8) my strength is limited but your grace is sufficient for me

I stand in awe by you wonders God .
My experience of God's grace...