second post for the day.
sigh,how i wish i had one of my dance senior's life.
full of dance, gymnastic, dance classes, and everything related to dance.
its like my fairytale life.
she seems so free,not fair.
who knows she might have iceskating lessons(dance) next time.
haix, another favourite of mine.

but between sports(vball/tennis/hockey) versus dance. which is better?


dance!
a passion i can't let go.
i love the way people watch you dance and say "wow,that was awesome!"
i don't like to sit back and watch people dance,its not fun.
i love the stage.
i love the make-up.
i love the costume.
i love learning difficult dance steps which i couldn't do in the past.
i love the feeling of accomplishment when i learn to do stunts.

my fever is down now(due to bubble tea)
but i still have flu and sore throat, plus i feel like vommiting.
is this normal?

its 6:15pm, monday, 27 apr 009
and i have a fever with a temperature oh 38.3degrees.
with the exams starting in 37.45hr time.
plus piles of homework and other stupid stuff waiting for me to do and hand it in by tomorrow.
Great!.......... Oh God, please stay by me and pull me through this period of 'hardship'.
OH DADDY, i really wish to go to OBS, but i have to score well this term which is a little hard to reach right now. please send your AP(holy spirit) to help me.

A little good news for me: I do not need to see VP any time soon.:) she said:" this will be the LAST time i see you for the TIME-BEING because i am still not confident that you attire is proper. so from now until the exams are over, you need not come to school BEFORE 7.15am to see me." yay for me!!!!!!!!:):):) so happy...
the first time i did not hear her say to me "i will see you tomorrow" or she say "i will see you after exams on______(date).

i need to fight that temptation,God give me the willpower and self-control. I shall not lose this battle to satan.

i can't seem to get myself to sit down and study. irritating...
i miss alot of things now

1)miss the times we would go out and study together


2)the many dance practices we had before SYF


3)the amazing experience i learnt and made friends with in Cambodia


4)misses 2e1


5)the times we actually ate lunch together with EVERYONE around


6)the times we spent together talking about anything


7)lastly, meeting you but i don't even have a photo with you:(

Oh God! i dont want to see VP anymore! i dont want be MK biggest fan! i dream of her every second. pls Lord, let tmr be the last...:(:(

exams are coming in 5days time. but, as always i still slacking. God pls help me find the drive and motivation to continue Lord.

on a high note, my 2.4km was gd(in my opinion) for the first time. 16.09mins. thank God for giving me willpower becos i dont have much stamina. the run felt like i was reaching for God glory(which is the finishing line)i'm running after him:)

SYF, it is confirmed that we got bronze. i cant continue blaming myself for a bronze but i know everyone gave their best and thats all that matters. after all, like what the teachers says, bronze or silver it is the process and hardwork put in that counts. the award is just a way the recognise the effort and thats all that matters.

Running After You - Planet Shakers
Your Word is a light unto my path
Your Love guides me through my darkest night
And even though sometimes Your ways
I cannot understand
I’ll never walk away because my future’s
In Your hands

I don’t care what people will say
I’m running after You
I won’t turn back and go their way
Coz I’m running after You
Yeah I’m running after You
I’m running after You
(I will run to You)

I don’t care what people will say
I’m running after You
I won’t turn back and go their way
Coz I’m running after You
Don’t matter what may come my way
I’m running after you
It’s You I’m following today
I’m running after You

I’m running after You

I ENJOYED THIS YEAR SPORTSDAY TO THE MAX!!!! so fun:):):)
i got the run(didn't win, but its okay) and eagle won the workout. the feeling of standing on the first position and getting the trophy was extremely satisfying like all the hard work put in to choreograph the dance and everyone putting in effort to win was great. though the trophy had to be taken back, but i have photos with it. lol. i miss the feeling of winning trophies... oh but the trophy is gonna spoil like any moment.

i hate VP alot now. i find her very unreasonable. giving me detention for my attire not 'passing' but it did pass lor. i bet Mr Ong would pass my attire lor. furthermore, she specially came to find me and say that my attire is improper. like fuck lar. her high waist skirt also does not touch the 'line' on the knee lor. stupid!!!! i still have to see her tmr. hope i pass tmr..........chances are, she will catch my over and over again until i leave peirce.lol

I Killed the dance and cried! Oh God, why does it have to be me?

i want to share something that i thought was very encouraging from Keith blog post. thank you for letting the holy spirit work through you to help others in their struggles...p.s. i cannot copy and paste so i type out ALL the words

i realised that in this fallen world it is hard to keep our bodies and thoughts pure. with media using sex to sell their products, everywhere we turn, we can see posters, magazines covers, pictures and girls dressing sexily.

i learnt that our bodies should be a holy temple of God. Our sins are already paid by Jesus on the cross. Now i no longer live for myself, but Christ now live in me. So we have to honour God by breaking free from the hold of flesh, addictions and sins.

My body is neutral but it is my natural desire that makes me use it in negative ways.
Jesus was fully flesh when he came to earth, but he never gave in to his natural desires through relying on the holy spirit. in this fallen world, we must rely on the holy spirit instead of the temporary satisfaction of the flesh. When we indulge ourselves in sensual pleasures of the world, it will cause us to desire more worldly pleasure.

it is only the holy spirit that can change me and in order to do this, the holy spirit has to be giving the control over my body. my body was bought by Jesus' life and as a person redeemed by Christ, i am under the authority of the kings of kings. i have to learn to live a life lead by the holy spirit and rely on him. it may be hard in this world, but i can do everything in Christ who strengthens me.

we may face many troubles in this fallen world, but all we have to do is TRUST and RELY in him, so we may say in confidence that we are NOT affected by the many obstacles that lies ahead of us because we have CHIRST to help us. Yes, God will help me so i will trust in you and your plans always.

For I know what I have planned for you,’ says the Lord. 1 ‘I have plans to prosper you, not to harm you. I have plans to give you 2 a future filled with hope. 3
jeremiah29:11

for once, she is not bias in her marking
oh SYF!!!! 2days of countdown.:(
somebody said, if u are not invited to something, that means they don't want us there so my as well forget about it.(i should learn to accept this fact then)
Caroline and ivy said i should go for counselling well i ask them first lah. then they both said a immediate YES! LOL, maybe i should...reasons: if u know means u know if u wanna know, ask me(though, i doubt anyone would want to know)
yippee chem test postpone to 21/4! jump for joy
Fri is sports day, hoping to win a trophy:) pray hard pray hard...4by100m.

I HATE IT WHEN PARENTS READ YOUR BLOG!!!!!!!!!! pls lar, some post are not meant to be taken seriously lor. for this, you decide bah....

somehow i feel i am losing my drive for everything again.
so many test,SYF,exams,and many more other things are all around the corner.

i really dislike going for history lesson already. i cant stand that teachers are always being bias but i dont hate the subject. she wants to make me score bad just to make her favourite student score better so be it. i dont give a damn about it anymore. Actually, i dont give a damn to anything anymore. i freakingly hate chinese, physics, chem, hist(becos of teacher). useless subjects, no idea why i took them in the first place.

sometimes, i really want to go back to the way i was before... the more emo one
i feel like going back to cutting to relieve my stress and to make myself more 'alive'
i had thoughts of suicide again, and taking steriods to boost my performance for SYF and sportscarnival since they dont check(i know its stupid, but hey i have my freedom of thoughts too)

i seriously have no life: mon geo test, dance
tue:chem test, phy test, amath test
wed:SYF
fri:sportscarnival

OH GOD!!!! this is seriously killer lar. dont know how im gonna survive this.

i cant get you off my thoughts... cant stop thinking of you...

I HATE MYSELF FOR LOVING YOU!
scars.......

isnt this beautiful?

good friday today,
that heart tells us of god unfailing love.
fasted today, didnt know that when i skip my meal, my stomach would just dont bother growling and i wont feel hungry anymore.lol. jj says my stomach is screwed up already. hahas

Oh God, help me! I'm stressing out and thus causing me to drop loss. :( hope its temporally.
1)SYF: seriously i never felt so stress out because of SYF before. I'm stress because i don't think my ankle will recover in time for SYF and i still have to perform. i really want to perform but thoughts that i will ankle will halfway give up on me really scares me. nevertheless, even if my ankle doesn't recover in time i will still give my 150%. If we don't get our Silver, I HAVE ONLY MYSELF OT BLAME. i would feel that its my fault that the dance group loses its silver. i will definitely cry:(. see why I'm stressing out....

2)Sports carnival: i really wonder why must Mdm Foong put me in charge of Peirce workout. never like it before, won't like it now and definitely not in the future...
its so boring! i mean NO ONE will look so whats the point? plus, i have to think of the choreography in less than a week, teach the 'workout-ers', and there's really no time. i really wish there is more than 24hours a day. i slept like 3 to 5 hours everyday and i still haven finish the task that are suppose to me done. 17 April, i also want to run the 4by100m but the dreams seems like its fading as the date is nearing but my leg is not healing. ohhh, it rhymes...lol

3)Im dropping hair!!!!! like 20 to 30 plus strangs everytime i comb my hair. sigh, see stress is causing me to lose hair. even the doctor says so. hope its temporary then. Oh the doctor said that my ankle is a strain not sprain. so yea i didnt break any bone or tear any muscles. that good.

4)NAPFA: I dont have to go for NAPFA yet cos dance priority comes first and Mdm Foong specifically said 'rest you leg!!!'. xp i think that the only good thing. but that means chances for going to OBS is lesser. and yes i WANT to go OBS! hope i get chosen since only 15 are allowed to go.:(

5)Bali students: im going out with them later to marina barrage, national museum and blah blah blah... i LOVE my buddy! shes so nice and very open so its easy to converse with her. wondering what present to give her.

6)Exams: arghhhh,it like so soon??? we just had our holiday and in 3 more weeks time is our exam. im scaredddddddd! i must do well for everything in order to go OBS. but passing chinese i gonna be a BIG PROBLEM! since i failed every test.
oh and they extended sec 3 curriculum during the holidays, like HELL! my birthday still have to go school. curses....

im finally trying to let go... not easy but its worth it.
P.s. STRESS IS KILLING ME that i want to cut my wrist