there is nothing much i can say now. lets just says i made yet another terrible decision that i can never undo it ever again. why do i always take the wrong path. "give Satan an inch and he will become a ruler" heard it sooo many times yet never put it to use... I'm such an IDIOT! all those lies and deception! Oh Daddy, i'm lost! please bring me back, daddy. i don't want to drift further and further away from you. the greatest gift that you gaves me was salvation yet i treat it like an white elephant. i simply hate the way i am now. my tongue is full of lies, my eyes has seens too much, my mouth said things that harm people, my ears believed what the world is trying to tell me yet i question what you are trying to tell me, my hands are dirty, full of sins cause by greed, my spirit is longing for your holy spirit to be filled again, my body is far to shameful to be forgiven by you. i want you yet i also don't want you. i'm so confused!





God loves you!
In the quiet, love is reaching.
It's yours to hold,
Be still and know that
Even when you're lost and lonely,
And hope is gone, you're not alone.

Far beyond the understanding,
There's a hand that leads,
If you believe.

Through the darkness, see the light.
Remember God loves you.

The road ahead is long and winding.
With eyes of faith, you'll find the way, yeah.
And when the journey leaves you weary,
You can rest in the comfort of heaven's arms -
Sweet loving arms.

And peace will follow.
Peace be with you always,
As you go.
For now you know that...

Through the darkness, there's a light.
Remember God loves you.

When you open up your heart,
His love will meet you where you are.
He will always be a part of everything you do.
He is here to set you free,
And give you all the strength you need
To carry on, to carry on.

Through the darkness, see the light.
Remember God loves you. (remember, remember)
Remember God loves you.

F this piano exam lar. sooo screwed!!!
scales: was suppose to be my best(cough cough) i played B minor 6TIMES but still got it wrong!
pieces: do i need to say more...
sight reading: seems better than i thought
Aural: haha! i played a fool of myself in front of the examiner!

soooo... hmmm... thank God it's over? i really really hope i pass because i suffer again by retaking never mind lar but my mum? she is paying for ti and i really don't want her money go to waste. ARGH! what to do! bloody hell!

haix... i think i broke a lot of people's heart with my actions. i didn't meant to do it on purpose. its just... just that i wanted to be noticed, to feel that i'm good at doing something, i wanted to know whether people actually cared for me but i didn't mean to hurt anyone...

God help me to change. help me to find the way back to you again. light the path you want me to follow. i know that all i did may not please you but you still forgive me and want me to change for the better.

tmr will be my piano exam. i quite scared actually and im feeling really sick right now. oh God,please help me. i cast this burden onto you Lord.

my life sucks to the core.
don't say sorry cause you're not
i hate it that you make me feel so 'loved' one day and the next day you treat it like nothing happened. you just tore apart my heart when you left me. like so self-centred of you!

i trying my best to put up a strong me but im on the verge of breaking down already. i feel pathetic that i have NO ONE to tell my feelings to especially YOU who i already told to but you're just so fucking lousy to understand me.

Mirabel! you're such a coward! such a goody-two-shoes too afraid of breaking rules! i feel so weak compared to them. not fair!

i attempted to steal again. but i just cant! why?!

common test is now over! yay!!
piano exam is so near now and i seriously am not prepared.
2 more weeks to end of term 3
5 more weeks to start of term 4 exam. haix
waiting for tue to come so i can get my phone back... i realised i actually dependent on my phone. thats bad
23 this month: the cambodia meeting. dont know whether im prepared.


sigh.. i dont know whats got into me this few days. i have terrible mood swings! i can cry and laugh at the same time. gosh...

and i also dont know why but i can't seem to like CG or church or Bible study anymore. it feels like im trying to walk away from God. trying to control my own life.

i also realised im cant be a bad girl. yes i know it sounds weird but when i break some rules and get caught, i feel so bad and guilty.

Some people say: Good girls are bad girls that don't get caught. i find this saying very evidently true...

i feel my life is a lie.i feel that every single thing i do now is a dream or a nightmare and im just waiting for my dream or nightmare to be over.

and im back to square 1. i can't do it. i can't it give up. im still the same old me at the beginning of term 3.

sometimes i just wished that i have someone who will be there for me in every step i take. someone who is real, someone i can put my trust to, someone who can lend me a listening ear. am i that bad compared to my friends. i feel so inferior when i see them together. it makes me feel like im different, there is something wrong with me that people can't accept.

few days ago, i almost got caught stealing. thanks to grace, im still here. i really really really seriously want to get piercing! oh and a im really getting used to slitting already. i dont know but i find it kind of fun. smack me on my face if you want, i dont care. its like a painkiller. and it works. how cool its that.

Hello people! sorry haven't been posting recently cause com broke down(note to self: not that anyone cares or so) so yeah, weeks past i think. and yet another 'typhoon' came again. i really don't want to care anymore. so frustrating! Thanks to Grace, Joanna,Yin Anne,Praise,Joey for lending a listening ear in times of need.
It's so embarrassing last week cause i cried in class. don't ask why cause there are MANY reasons...

lets do a count down shall we?
1)history common test(this Tuesday)
2)literature(this Wednesday)
3)science(this Thursday)
4)D&T(this Friday)
5)piano exam(15 days from now!)

all this is fucking bullshit. for your info: the F word is used as an ! instead of you know what. I'm not even prepared for any of the test cause i can't switch to study mode. disappointment! bye bye scholarships... no point working hard now cause it wouldn't make a difference unless of course God want to pull me out of this 'chicken nugget' situation then perhaps there may be HOPE! school exam is bad enough but now PIANO EXAM! arghhhhh! i'm not even prepared! and who is there to share my burdens? don't state God because he is right now LAUGHING at me because i got myself into such mess... my mum is going to be sooo mad at me! i'm guessing the worst scenario is that she will come chasing after me with a cane not that is will change anything, so i would run out of the house not coming back until midnight... well at least i know whats is going to happen so i suppose i am going to 'pack my bag' soon... LOLS

i wanna get more earholes and maybe pierce my belly button too! that would be so cool! can't wait to look at my mum and dad reaction when they see me having extra piercing. it will be priceless! hahaaa.
yes yes i know what you are thinking, you are saying i'm a attention seeker. so what?! it's not like they care about my presence anyway! they don't see my burn marks, my scars on my hand, my tears when i cry!

don't force me to go for sunday school! there are many reasons why i don't want to go so stop forcing me...
i ran out of $$$ and i am craving for a chocolate bar right now...... sigh my hands are itching...give me time, i will prove i'm more than what you think i am...

the reason

if there is one thing i regret doing, it would be to hurt you...
im sorry! i can't change... i dont have the strength to change!

to my angel who i always take for granted: knowing that you cared for me and continued praying for me, i just have one word to say... im sorry! i thought you were trying to be ignorant to my cries but i realised you are the one in my life that cared the most for me. hearing what you said to me made me cry...

The Reason

I'm not a perfect person
There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you