Good Luck cousin!
i'm sure you will do well for your chinese O'level tmr becos God is with you.
A1 Amen!
with lots of love........ :)

warning! long post...

fear says: you don't deserve it. give this place to someone else who deserve it more than you.
fear says: you are weak and pathetic. always need to depend on others for help.
fear says: isn't it obvious? she doesn't like you so why don't you just walk away from this now before its too late and you have to face disappointment.
fear says: you are so over sensitive that when people hurt you, you fall into self-pity.
fear says: your goals are too high. you can never reach it.
fear says: you are not fit enough for anything.
fear says: you are not pretty and you are a slacker.
fear says: you can't handle anything. you are always so stress and too emotional about things.
fear says: haha! you lead???
fear says: you are addicted. you can't stop it!

and the list goes on and on.
fear says alot of things which are deillusional that it looks alot like the truth. and even if you overcome one of your fears, a new fear comes out.

BUT God says: listen to my voice...
God says, you are beautiful because you are created in my image.
God says, fear does not come from God.
God says, 'For I know the plans that I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans for welfare and not for calamity to give you a future and a hope." jeremiah 29:11
God says, "For as the heavens are higher than the earth, So are My ways higher than your ways And My thoughts than your thoughts." isaiah 55:9~so do not listen to what the world has to say to you. rather, listen and follow my ways.
God says, Be still and listen that i am God. turn down the music you are listening to and put those magazines away. Listen to me!
God says, my strength work perfect in your weakness.
God says, "Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:30-31
God says, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
God says, my arms are always open for those who need it. arms full of love and mercy.
God says, be bold for i am here with you.
God says, you are precious to me like a jem.
God says, ask and it shall be given, seek and you shall find, knock and you will be answered.
God says, faith = risk = trust...
God says, lay those burdens down. they are too heavy for you, let me carry it.

its amazing how many of us would rather buy the lies of fear rather than trust the almighty God.
how can one still love over and over again, even after being rejected? only God can.
so even if it seems like the world is caving in on you, don't give up, trust God for he works in ways we cannot understand:)
Lord, i will show them that i can do it becauuse i have you to help me. help me prove them wrong.

You are the source of life
I can't be left behindD
No one else will do
I will lay hold of You
I need You Jesus to come to my rescue
Where else can I go?
There's no other name by which I am saved
Capture me with grace
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You
This world has nothing for me
I will follow You

Im running out of 'flame' Lord.
feeling all burnt out by everything.
where are ur arms of full of love and grace which i can rest in?
u know what i am struggling
so Lord, im laying then down at ur cross.
please carry this burdens for me.

Mad World - Gary Jules

All around me are familiar faces.
Worn out places. Worn out faces.
Bright and early for their daily races.
Going nowhere. Going nowhere.
And their tears are filling up their glasses.
No expression. No expression.
Hide my head; I want to drown my sorrow.
No tomorrow. No tomorrow.

And I find it kinda funny.
I find it kinda sad.
The dreams in which I'm dying
Are the best I've ever had.
I find it hard to tell you
Cuz I find it hard to take.
When people run in circles it's a very, very

Mad world.
Mad world.

Children waiting for the day they feel good.
Happy birthday. Happy birthday.
Made to feel the way that every child should.
Sit and listen. Sit and listen.
Went to school and I was very nervous.
No one knew me. No one knew me.
Hello, teacher tell me what's my lesson?
Look right through me. Look right through me.

Mad world.
Mad world.
Mad world.
Mad world.

a song i heard in my history lesson about holocaust...really nice song;)

my bag broke!
$30 gone:(:(:(
well, gives me a good reason to get a bag which have:
1)sports brand preferably adidas or nike
2)purple coloured, or pink also can
3)light weighted
4)good quality(like duh...)
5)can carry ALOT of things
6)haversack or handbag style NOT sling
7)less than $100
if u know of any bag that fit ALL this cirteria please tell me=D=D=D=D THANKS!
i still want a crumpler bag, 1 tagger bag, BIG handbag which i can carry for camping and many more other bag...BUT, my mum wont let me buy cos i have already 10+bag all belonging to me.lol i have a lot of crazing now like a lappy. tisk tisk.

5 more days not counting today till end of term 2!!!!!

its kidda amazing how time pass so fast...
2 more weeks till end of term 2
hopefully i won't get caught by VP any time soon or better still Never!

i stand in awe at how much God have mold me from what i was 3years back.
shy to speak up in cell group
never dared to pray out loud on front of others
scared to serve in church be it worship or dancing
i was 1 of those quiet ones in class
worried about how people thought of me
and i was even scared of my own looks and body
i had a terrible attitude towards my parents

but this wonderful Lord used my weakness and changed it into my strengths...
I'm no longer scared to speak up to church mates or friends and maybe even dance juniors and hopefully to crowds too...

I'm starting to LOVE praying out loud in front of others hoping that what people hear from my prayers is what God wants to tell them.

I'm not scared to serve in church anymore but still lazy at times.xp

i have alot of close friends now...

though i still face problems on how or what people think of me, i am very sure that God is still my basis of identity and my assurance when i lack confidence.

come to think of it, its funny that i hated my body so much i dare not wear certain type of clothes. right now, i am confident with my body and i know what to make me look good. hahas(thick skin)

argh, i really regret the many times i blew my temper on my parents. the times where i was being rude or unfriendly to others just becos i was having a bad day. everyday, God is reveling what i did to my parents or even my friends. things that were not so nice. I'm taking this opportunity to apologise.

Lord, pls give me the child-like faith back again.
pls bless me with those dreams...
i need the motivation to Evangelist again.
i also need to start studying hard for my war(exams) to catch up
and lastly, i pray that you lead me to take a bold step to serve the way Jesus serve others and more creativity!=D

i got back results...
quite expected i will do badly cos i didn't put in enough effort.
something surprising is that i am most probably the last in class and last few in the whole cohort cos i failed like 3subs but my friends who took o'level all said it is normal. expected to fail one... and that in the end, will get good results in o'level.
so extreme much...
i don't know but i get this feeling that our school test paper is alot easier than other schools so it is possible to pass.
what if o'levels are like 5times harder?!!!
does that mean that our L1R5 will be 5 times more?
ohhhhh,I'm guessing my L1R5 will be more than 20 so that means i will be 'specially invited' to meet the parents.lol
anyway, i have mixed feelings becos i could have passed Amath if not for careless mistake and if i actually took the time to find out questions i didn't know, i would have passed and get c5 instead of d7.:(
Chinese: well lets just say i was so used to failing Chinese that receiving 19/70 is okay to me already. all i wish for is a pass in o'level
physics: i feel pissed yet i know reality has set in for me already. i told Mrs Chung i failed physics and that its not fair to me cos i didn't choose physics as my subject combination but i still got it. then she said,"there is no excuse for u to fail cos even if i didn't choose physics, it is my responsibility to study for it since i already said 'OK' to take it.so, in the end i have to commit to it. most of us will go like "eh, Mrs Chung why u like that one. don't know how to sympathise me meh?" but the fact is staring right in front of my face, I CAN'T RUN AWAY FROM PHYSICS OR DROP PHYSICS AND ONLY TAKE CHEMISTRY.

on a brighter note, i got into OBS(i think)
i mean i wasn't selected at first but i asked mdm foong if there are extra vacancy and if i could join and she said i could join.
furthermore, i have 1 criteria met. i have leadership post.
but results and NAPFA WISE, HEH, I'm just plain lazy lar.

muscles cramps right now, soooo painful.
Lord, pls give me courage to lead... so much uncertainties ahead don't know what to expect.
im in a rush to make bday cards now. and trying to make their bday more memorable? how???
i want to swim on sun!!!

on Tue after oral, went out with Caroline.
it was really nice that we could have HTHT again.
and she says my weakness is that i am too emotional, also i am mean.
AHHAHAS!
the funny thing is that she says I'm mean but she doesn't want me to change that fact cos she can't imagine me being nice to her. LOLs
too emotional? i agree cos i can't believe i cried just becos of oral as i was stress.
and she also said, i stopped convincing her that there is a higher power and there is no such thing as humanism. she thought i given up... Lord, please give me the drive to continue serving your kingdom again.

wed!
went out with my dearest Franny!
today was an awesome day man!!!
we met at vivocity supposedly at 11 but i came later as usual. sry fran!
i need to work on my late coming... lame
we watched Xmen origin! its not bad to me lah, well francine says its AWESOME!
oh did u know X=10 in roman numerial?
so is Xmen suppose to mean 10men???????????
anyway, we ate at LONGJOHNSILVER. speaking of which, we went to vivo 2YEARS AGO and also ate long john on the same table. da jae vu much!
hmmmm,what else? we went ot top floor to camwhore and ohhhh! played at timezone: 1 game of DDR! ehhh, DDR machine cheap us. it was really simple lor, waste $$$
wanted to eat BEN&JERRY but too ex.
Grace, you want Ben&Jerry icecream????=D inside joke...
went to Sentosa at 4. abit watch money cos we went there for only 1hr to camwhore, swim, playwater and bathe. nevertheless, i enjoyed myself. shucks! forget my vball.:( so couldn't play at the beach.
and fran, i hope u and your friend could sort things out. don't be to frustrated or upset okay?
thanks girl for today, cos u helped me relaxed alot and help me forget my problems.
I feel like i have to strength to fight on now. yea!
pics on FB!=D=D=D=D=D=D

AWESOME! EXAMS ARE OFFICIALLY OVER!!!!
though i know i already failed Chin and phys and most prob amath, I'm still happy.
at least i don't have to go through the pain of studying all those chapters again

i had to learn a lesson the hard way. i may be able to slack and still score quite well in sec 1 and 2, but there is no such thing when your sec3 already.
shouldn't have used the com during exams period, should have started revision at least 2 weeks before. my plain laziness cause all this and the worst thing is that i knew this would happen but i did nothing to change myself. complacent...

i seriously hate Chinese now.
before Chinese oral, i don't know why but i suddenly broke down in fear and cried.
i didn't have confidence in my Chinese already. to make matter worst, Mr Lee HaiRong is damn arrogant. his face makes me want to punch him, with his atrocious attitude towards students, he makes chinese oral like a death sentence to me. anyway, i did really badly cos i didn't know how to say some words in chinese like 3world country. oh wells...

haix, still i don't feel bad or regret that i am gonna do very badly for SA. perhaps i am numb towards failing already.

I want 2 sing until I am lost in Ur love
Till I'm found in Ur presence
Worshipping before Ur throne
Moved by Ur spirit
Entering into Ur flow
How precious this moment
Lord I want U to know
It's U
U who have won my heart
Taken me into Ur arms
Comforted me like a fren
Ur love
Surrounded me from the start
I never want to be apart
From U ever again

isn't their worship awesome!
I'm taken away by the music...
oh God, how i wish to have the anointing of speaking in tongues just like my family.

i think i am seriously affected by VP. she a real life nightmare!!!
my mum says i keep on dreaming about her is becos i am resentful towards her.
oh well, lord please help me overcome.

Oh daddy Jesus,
I'm scared.
scared to lead
scared of stress
scared of failing my exams
scared that i will fall into temptations over and over again and not give a good example as a christian
scared of being caught by VP again
scared to do a speech in front of whole school after exams
scared that i will loss my chance of going the OBS and many other school activities becos of my SA which i know i didn't do very well
scared of being alone
scared that i will be influence to do things which does not please you

but daddy, i trust in you. i know you can use my weakness to show your strength. your plans work perfect in my weakness. please mould me.......

you are so selfish that you cos ppl to worry about u. stupid girl! the world does not only revolve around u

i dreamt of VP today, scarey eh???
see, she had traumatise me already.
i dreamt i had to see her over and over again.
LOL.

mirabel, you have to stop sleeping your time away.
running away from the problem doesn't help.
in fact, it builds up even more problem.
when u been hurt or 'hit down', GET BACK UP!

i cant wait for exams to be over...

zhu ye shu, qing ni bang zhu wo. wo bu zhi dao gai ze me zou. xin li hen ji mo, hen fan nao, yin wei wo zai xiang zhe ta. ru guo wo men bu neng zai yi qi, qing ni ba zhe ke gan jue na zou.

i get the feeling that some of the church mates i used to be close with are like ignoring my presense especially the guys. it hurts me that they just walk pass me without saying 'hi' or something. and they can talk so much with the others. okay, perhaps i may be jealous and may be its my hormones raging but still, im just asking for a simple 'hi' thats all. is it because i became bitchy or arrogant? i dont know lar. but like i said before, i miss those times we were all together having HTHT. what happen to "if you have any problem,you can always talk to me." it seems like your have been really busy nowadays. i know im self-centred to say that but that how i feel lor. and when there are times i get to talk to your, our conversation just get cut off by you saying "hey, talk to you again another time. im kidda busy right now." in the end, do you actually take the time to remember that there is a conversation that has not finish and is left hanging lose? all this gave me the feeling that i should just depend on myself as i 'fear' getting rejected by your "im busy" sentence. also, i know some of your are really busy so its like a burden for your to hear my burdens.

forgive Lord, but i think i gonna walk of you soon. what they say are right. i can't see you, i can't hear you, and i can't feel your presense anymore. it is really hard for me to continue going to church and putting up a fake smile that wow church is good, or church is building my relationship with you God. im not worthy to be your disciple/servant/child... as i am not setting a good example for others to see that this is the difference between and christian and a non-christian. i am just like them(world), i have done alot of things against my morals and somehow i dont regret it like i used too.

still, i am hanging on the last thread/last straw of hope. please lord, send me a sign( in my dreams, or an angel, or someone,or rainbow) that you still care for me. please lord, dont pass me by, dont pass me by...