zhu ye shu, qing ni bang zhu wo. wo bu zhi dao gai ze me zou. xin li hen ji mo, hen fan nao, yin wei wo zai xiang zhe ta. ru guo wo men bu neng zai yi qi, qing ni ba zhe ke gan jue na zou.

i get the feeling that some of the church mates i used to be close with are like ignoring my presense especially the guys. it hurts me that they just walk pass me without saying 'hi' or something. and they can talk so much with the others. okay, perhaps i may be jealous and may be its my hormones raging but still, im just asking for a simple 'hi' thats all. is it because i became bitchy or arrogant? i dont know lar. but like i said before, i miss those times we were all together having HTHT. what happen to "if you have any problem,you can always talk to me." it seems like your have been really busy nowadays. i know im self-centred to say that but that how i feel lor. and when there are times i get to talk to your, our conversation just get cut off by you saying "hey, talk to you again another time. im kidda busy right now." in the end, do you actually take the time to remember that there is a conversation that has not finish and is left hanging lose? all this gave me the feeling that i should just depend on myself as i 'fear' getting rejected by your "im busy" sentence. also, i know some of your are really busy so its like a burden for your to hear my burdens.

forgive Lord, but i think i gonna walk of you soon. what they say are right. i can't see you, i can't hear you, and i can't feel your presense anymore. it is really hard for me to continue going to church and putting up a fake smile that wow church is good, or church is building my relationship with you God. im not worthy to be your disciple/servant/child... as i am not setting a good example for others to see that this is the difference between and christian and a non-christian. i am just like them(world), i have done alot of things against my morals and somehow i dont regret it like i used too.

still, i am hanging on the last thread/last straw of hope. please lord, send me a sign( in my dreams, or an angel, or someone,or rainbow) that you still care for me. please lord, dont pass me by, dont pass me by...