cause im not your princess and this aint a fairytale...

i kept thinking of someone,
i thought of the good memories.
thought of the bad ones too.
i wanted so badly for us to talk,
but i told myself...
dont be stupid bel!
he has long forgotten u.
:(:(:(

Lord im waiting, im waiting upon u Lord.
i have been struggling for 4 months already.
but i believe u will heal me:)



this song is powerful no matter what he did about lying about his cancer. everyone has their shortcoming. but god's strength works perfect in our weakness. anyway, i think it take alot of courage for him to announce to the whole world his mistake. still, this song brings goosebumps everytime i listen to it and it relight my faith in God.

sick sick sick sick sick...
1 week of MC.
oh god.
im going to miss out alot man.
hope i can catch up on my sch work.-_-
and not to mention all the test i would have this week.
die liao lor.

oh dearest father please carry me through this.
amen

Oh God, the fear is coming back again.
it brings chills down my spine.
its not easy. its never easy.
i really hope things get better...

oh mummy, will u ever get me help if things get worse?

a really encouraging poem...
the bold and italic words are my favourite!:)
it shows that God will not give more than we can bear.
and most of the time when we feel we have reached the limit, we have not even given our 100% yet.

i finally realised this poem meaning after today.
when God gives, God takes.
but serve his kingdom, and the rest will be blessed abundantly.
last year, i questioned God why did that thing had to happen to me out of everyone else and it had to happen when i was serving u. and becos of it, it cause me alot of restriction.
but i see that u r a fair God, he gave back what u take from me and even do0ubled the amount.

the Refiner's fire poem:

he sat by the fire of seven fold heat,
as he watched by the precious ore,
and closer he bent with a searching gaze,
as he heated it more and more.
he knew he had ore that could stand the test,
and he wanted the finest gold.
to mould a crown for the king to wear,
set with gems with price untold.
so he laid our gold in the burning fire,
though we fain would have said to him, nay.
and he watched the dross that we had not seen.
and it melted and passed away.
and the gold grew brighter and yet more bright.
but our eyes were so dim with tears.
we say but the fire,
not the master's hand,
and questioned with anxious fears.
yet our hold shone out with a riches glow,
as it mirrored a form above.
that bent over the fire,
though unseen by us,
with a look of effable love.
can we think that it pleases his loving heart to cause us a moment of pain
Ah no!
but he saw through the present cross,
the bliss of eternal gain.
so he waited there with a watchful eye,
with a love that is strong and sure.
and his gold did not suffer a bit more heat,
than was needed to make it pure.

3rd week of school here we go!
i am stress at the same time slacking...
is that normal? or is it just me?
im having insomia lately, cant sleep until 12+ maybe thats why im falling asleep in class.
need to stock up on sweets now:)
rushing for time to do hw now

i realise that finding a school shoe that is nice is quite hard
either not right colour, not right size or too ex...
sad sia:(

knowing you left me with bittersweet memories:)

i'm having a bad headache.
feels like someone is constantly pulling my hair.
or maybe it is my hair which is causing this problem.
whatever...

God wants you to know......
that every little part of you is magical.

Yes, even the parts that hurt, even the ones that are feeling disease right now. It's alright to love what is in pain. More than alright, that's exactly where your love is needed the most. So why not touch that part that hurts and smile at it, at yourself through it, and whisper: ''I love you.''

IVY CHEN JIA XIN! WHY DID YOU NOT COME TO SCHOOL TODAY!!! LEAVE ME ALONE DURING ENGLISH LESSON... HAHA JOKING, HOPE YOU GET WELL SOON =D misses... P.S. today was a terrible day for me will explain if you come to school tmr.

i hate bloody CHUNG badly...
hate her hate her!!! hate her to the core!
kiss my ass you bitch~!
argh, so freaking pissed by her right now...
want to know what happen come ask me personally.
it might be confirm, it might not be.
but like what CAROLINE said, lets wait till further notice.
anyway, whatever the results will turn out i will give Caroline my fullest support even if it means giving up what i used to owed. after all, she is my friend:)
maybe God wants me to learn some lesson from this, i dont know...
oh god, why do you keep throwing me with this 'heavy burden' that my heart can't take it anymore.
is there so much that i have to learn only through set backs?

trust in the lord with all your heart.
do not depend on our own understanding.
seek his will in all you do and he will show you which path to take
proverbs 3:5 to 6
thx joanne for this verse.
after today, i finally know the reason why i am going through all this.
all i have to do is TRUST!

yesterday went out with camp2Bravo to ECP for an outing!
it was fun cycling in the rain for me.ha!
reminded me of our kayaking expedition in OBS as it started to rain really heavily.
ohhh how i miss OBS so much... such a contradiction
after cycling, we went to see the guys bowl and went to arcade.
i ate icecream and drank bubble tea hoping to fall sick but i didnt.lol

thx for sending me home. really appreciate it:)

Lyrics:

Night lift up the shades
let in the brilliant light of morning
but steady there now
for I am weak and starving for mercy
sleep has left me alone
to carry the weight of unravelling
where we went wrong
it's all I can do to hang on
to keep me from falling
into old familiar shoes

[Chorus:]

how stupid could I be
a simpleton could see
that you're no good for me
but you're the only one I see

love has made me a fool
it set me on fire and watched as I floundered
unable to speak
except to cry out and wait for your answer
but you come around in your time
speaking of fabulous places
create an oasis
dries up as soon as you're gone
you leave me here burning
in this desert without you

[Chorus]

everything changes
everything falls apart
can't stop to feel myself losing control
but deep in my senses I know

[Chorus]

I'm feeling a sudden stress caused by school. i really hope to do well but in this class where everything is so competitive, its hard to be top much less top 10.

oh god, sometimes giving up and dropping to combine science and change chinese to B chinese seems like a great idea.

BEL, u can live without _ _ _ _... trust in the lord!

Lord, i waiting and i'm praying. i need ur strength. strength to carry on.

our strength work perfect in our weakness... this is my favourite verse becos it is the only thing i am left with.

after cell group, i suddenly felt very sad. i emo-ed a little. it was becos of someone whom i really respected. that someone did something which is not immoral but just that there is a stereotype that if you have ____ you are an ____. but of course that person can do anything to himself/herself becos it is not wrong. i just dont know why i feel so disappointed in that person.:(

it is the same for tattoo.(honestly,i really feel like getting one jus that my parents wont allow)

I LOOK AT THE COMMITMENT RING THAT WAS GIVEN TO US DURING CELL. I'M THINKING, I'M THINKING REALLY... AM I READY FOR IT? I'M SUPPOSE TO COMMIT TO WAIT NOT COMMIT TO A RELATIONSHIP. WHAT SHOULD I DO? :(

first week of school and i am already sick of school.
school is damn F-ing stupid.
not only did they extend our lesson time, they are also expecting us to score well.
what ms hong said today really made me feel guilty and absolutely in the wrong.
dont wanna go school tmr to face ms hong!:(

lessons were ok except for english. i love mrs chung! do u know why? becos she didnt come today therefore we had free period!!! yay:) hahas so mean but who cares.

think of the people out there who are suffering worst then you bel. you will realised that u are really blessed.

wonder how is the church life in churches like new creation or city harvest.
since its english, i doubt i will ever fall asleep in the sermons plus i love their worship.
anyone wanna accompany to go visit their church?
but i still love my church even though the sermons are never understandable to me maybe becos it is in chinese.
i love my church youth or should i say those young adult though i doubt they are that young anymore(opps)

anyway its july already.
mann, time passes sooo freaking fast.
soon exam will come again and we have to study like hell.
next monday, we will have a magellan outing. well, its more of camp 2 bravo outing lar but the group will be so damn big.

i want to get another piercing!!!
i have a strong feeling that if i continue msging u, my bills will be damn alot this month. hahas.
OH LORD, ITS BEEN 3MONTHS ALREADY! WHY LORD WHY?! SEE ME THROUGH AS I PRAY... FAITH IS THE ONLY THING I AM LEFT NOW. FAITH TO SEE ME THROUGH THIS TOUGH PERIOD. I SURRENDER!