common test is now over! yay!!
piano exam is so near now and i seriously am not prepared.
2 more weeks to end of term 3
5 more weeks to start of term 4 exam. haix
waiting for tue to come so i can get my phone back... i realised i actually dependent on my phone. thats bad
23 this month: the cambodia meeting. dont know whether im prepared.


sigh.. i dont know whats got into me this few days. i have terrible mood swings! i can cry and laugh at the same time. gosh...

and i also dont know why but i can't seem to like CG or church or Bible study anymore. it feels like im trying to walk away from God. trying to control my own life.

i also realised im cant be a bad girl. yes i know it sounds weird but when i break some rules and get caught, i feel so bad and guilty.

Some people say: Good girls are bad girls that don't get caught. i find this saying very evidently true...

i feel my life is a lie.i feel that every single thing i do now is a dream or a nightmare and im just waiting for my dream or nightmare to be over.

and im back to square 1. i can't do it. i can't it give up. im still the same old me at the beginning of term 3.

sometimes i just wished that i have someone who will be there for me in every step i take. someone who is real, someone i can put my trust to, someone who can lend me a listening ear. am i that bad compared to my friends. i feel so inferior when i see them together. it makes me feel like im different, there is something wrong with me that people can't accept.

few days ago, i almost got caught stealing. thanks to grace, im still here. i really really really seriously want to get piercing! oh and a im really getting used to slitting already. i dont know but i find it kind of fun. smack me on my face if you want, i dont care. its like a painkiller. and it works. how cool its that.