i dont keep things to myself becos i dont trust a person.
its becos i find my self a bother...
i mean who would not get sick of listening to me.
i would get sick of talking about it too.
anyway i feel so small as compared to charmaine
just 4 and she has cancer!
but she is a strong girl.
she fighting the 'monster'
even hair dropping doesnt matter to her now.
she just want her life back
perhaps she should be my inspiration and determination
when i feel sad cos of my hair, i should see life the way she sees it!
so if u see that im upset and i dont want to say why.
this is the reason becos of stupid hair!LOL

i hate myself at times.
i dont want to be over sensitive and emotional
yet i became too open to some ppl.
i cant do anything to please EVERYONE right...
do i have self respect for myself???
i dont know.
what u said made my heart hurt deeply.
i feel like a cheap person right now.
perhaps that is ur impression of me now uh?
i told u my secrets becos u wanted me to say.
yet u r using them against me now.
u wanted me to be open and no secrets at all,
yet u say im too open now.
SO DO I HAVE SELF RESPECT?
i dont even know...

i cried 6times today.
thankfully i have ivy,cheryl,edith,james,peter,francine and shuying for help.
u guys really supported me.
thank you for cheering me up ok.
i love you all.:)
i especially love u franny and shu...
our sang love song to me!
hahah
so sweet man...
and u peter!
yes u!
haha singing christian songs helps!

im not gonna hide that i am really sad and hurt and regretful over this.
but i think this is wat god wants
and wat i want
i love you too much to make u stay, baby fly away...
time will heal i guess
jus hope we will be friends again
and dont blame urself

in the mean while,
i need therapy!
there is a trend that is happening again...
i gotta ask god for help on this one.
perhaps im sending the wrong signal.
or perhaps it is becos i lost my morals
or maybe i didnt follow god's leading
or really jus maybe i didnt respect myself well enough...
haix
i shall ask god for help to overcome my deepest darkest secrets...
i think i will start fasting and praying now.


wat can i ever do with ppl like u!